


Blackout II

by ArkHive



Series: Wolf Like Me [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dark Character, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mindfuck, Slowly developing relationship, Some angst, Tattoos, and chuck is still grumpy and on the run, back-from-the-death!chuck, raleigh is also a sex devil to precious snowflake chuck XD, raleigh is still slightly possessive, the tags will expand with every chapter!, this is a sequel, virgin!Chuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 16:46:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArkHive/pseuds/ArkHive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What ya up to, cowboy?” He approached the Aussie and simply sat down next to him.<br/>Chuck kept his stare pinned to the Jaeger persistently, his eyes straight forward and unmoving. Though his posture definitely got about this bit stiffer. “What do you want?”<br/>“Checking in with you since you’re spectacularly good at avoiding me and everyone else.”<br/>“I don’t.”, came the immediate answer. Like the kid that denied eating the last cookie but still having crumps all around its mouth. </p><p> </p><p>_____________<br/>This is the sequel to "Blackout" which became now a series called "Wolf Like Me". You should check it out! Also, it's probably better to read "Blackout" first to fully understand what is happening here. Be prepared fto expect more of these two weirdos from me ;D</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Johnny Cash's "Big River".  
>  Check it out, great song! ;)
> 
> also, sorry for the trouble to make this another part of the series instead of putting in as next chapter into Blackout, but it has its good reason! :)

 

*Raleigh's POV*

 

 

       Maybe it had been silly of him to think that Chuck would change just like that. 

One drift, one fight, one nice long overdue getting off. It’s not like it is not _there_ , right in his head. Raleigh had seen it. Felt it. Breathed it in while Chuck was moaning under him like the oversensitive virgin he is.

It could be all really very easy. 

He just needed to stop over thinking things and live in a world of cocky ass attitude.

Although the high speed run from the training rooms after their make out session had been pretty impressive. As soon as his post coital bliss had started to fade away (and Raleigh had been heroically ignoring his own straining erection), something in that stupid Aussie must have burned through. He doesn’t know for sure. Not before their next training in the simulator. 

But okay, sure. Chuck was still young and lots of stuff was going on in his head and then the stress about their first drift. 

Fine. 

It’s all good. 

People freak out now and then. 

Raleigh perfectly understands that. 

 

On the other hand, what he doesn’t understand or like is when people lie to him. And Charles fucking Hansen was a goddamn liar. And a pretty bad one on top! 

He hadn’t stalked after Chuck that day. The actual first time they saw each other again was the next day for supper. Not breakfast, not lunch, _supper_. Like in from six to eight p.m. eating time. 

But okay, whatever. 

It had been a busy day for Raleigh anyway and all was cool and chilled. No big deal.

Until he greeted Chuck for the evening and all he received from him was a cocky rise of his eyebrows and than that brat had the nerves to turn his back to him and go to the other end of the hall. 

Raleigh was almost sure Chuck sat with people he had never spoken to before in his life, but he preferred sitting there as sudden intruder instead of with him and Herc and the others.

What is wrong with that kid?!

 

Raleigh must have said that out loud because he suddenly had a hand on his shoulder and an apologetic look from Herc in front of his face. 

“He still needs that kick in the ass, I know.” He had said and Raleigh hadn’t known if he wanted to laugh or just stand up and smack his plate over that stubborn, twisted head of his son.

 

*

 

      The following two days were pretty much a repetition of the first one. Raleigh first just thought that Chuck _might_ avoid him. And he was _certain_ that Chuck avoided him when they had their first try on of their new team armour. It wasn’t quite done yet and they would need to come back a few times for little adjustments till everything was as it should be. 

That kids eyes had been practically glued onto his body while he had been standing there between the engineers and patiently let them hold and clip on one part after another. Never the whole suit though. Not in this session anyway. 

Raleigh would lie if he’d say that he didn’t liked Chuck's obvious interest. 

 

He would also lie if he’d say that he didn’t stare back. 

To feel a body and to see a body were two different things (and he hadn’t even felt all of his body. Mainly just its shape. But it had been good this way. Spontaneous and messy and he had enjoyed every second).  

With Chuck it was a notably different thing to see him, not because of his hard cut, steal trained body that had never been anything else but supreme and the only change it had performed was further bulking in the last years (Raleigh had seen it in the drift. That kid had been one smoking hot teen). It was different because what Raleigh saw now was... not a surprise per se. But he hadn’t been able to see that much while Chuck had been still fighting with recruits. Merely teasing glimpses. The drift hadn’t offered sharp enough images either. 

And now, now he could _finally see_. See all those beautiful and perfectly inked tattoos along his skin. 

They were a piece of art and a spell at the same time. Those randomly distributed pieces of bionic body armour. Armour that looked like the perfect symbiosis of their body suits and the Jaegers. 

 

They were the addendum to the ten dead Kaiju marks on his jacket, suit and Striker. That guy just had to show off his victory and _survival_ everywhere. It could be somewhat annoying and be waved away as a mere attitude thing, although every Ranger could perfectly understand what Chuck was proving with his Kaiju marks stamped on everything. 

The tattoos on the other hand were more than just a pride thing. They were private to him (minus the engineers, Herc and well, Raleigh now, too, of course). 

None of them had been flashed into the cameras or other Rangers' faces. And Raleigh knew why- Chuck didn’t want to break their spell.

Those armour tattoos gave Chuck the strength and motivation he surprisingly often feared to lose through perfectly normal, human slips every person has now and then. 

Only that the Aussie was of course not every other person but a raised war machine extraordinaire and slips were for losers. The golden boy must strive over everybody~

Yeah, sure. Whatever, jerk.

Raleigh felt like punching his own head for imitating Chuck’s voice so perfectly. 

 

When Chuck noticed his shameless stares along his ink, a little involuntary blush spread up right to his ears. 

And when the engineers were done with him, he was pulling off another of those super fast run away’s. 

If he wouldn’t have been still stuck in his suit boots and half a leg of sensitive gear, Raleigh would have sprinted after him right away. 

 

 

*

 

     On day four Mako informed him about their next training session this day. But as soon as the formal things were exchanged she gave him a scolding glare that made Raleigh feel as if she had mentally slapped him.

“What?”

“I asked you to clear things between you two, not make them worse!”

Yes, she said that. This is why he had originally followed Chuck into the sparring rooms. To calm him and make a start for a good foundation to work on. To make him _accept_ what had been just confirmed by the tech team. And for a short while he had thought he had succeeded. Yeah, well...

“I tried! It’s not my fault he’s such a brat!”, Raleigh replied, folding his arms in front if his chest. But one look from Mako was enough to let him crumple. “Well, okay. Maybe a little bit.”

“What did you do, Raleigh?”

“Nothing bad, I swear. Golden boy is just not used to a stern hand.”

“Well, you have training at 1300 so you better un-stern your hand till then and make sure your new co-pilot stay’s your co-pilot.”

Raleigh touched her shoulder, smiling at her with amusement. “You know, never mind the not blood-related thing, you are _so_ your father's daughter.”

A wary frown turned up on her smooth face and the blond couldn’t help but smile even wider and squeeze her arm gently. That perfect composure of hers would never cease to amaze him.

“That’s good! That’s really good, Mako. Honestly. Now please stop scowling at me, I like your smile so much more.”

In her smile lay a kindness only she was capable of giving. So much innocence was left in her despite the things she had been through. The things she had lost. The things she did to carry on. Raleigh was glad to have this smile forever branded and saved in his mind, recallable in the drift.

“Just be careful with Chuck, okay? I know him pretty much since I’m here. I know he can be jerk, but... He has a gentle heart. It had just been threatened too long by war to open up just like that to some smiles and a beer.”

Well, Raleigh hadn’t even given him this. Instead of smiles and a beer he had given him glares and fists. Chuck was certainly no victim in this, not one bit. But Mako was right. He needed to get this good and going between them. Otherwise, where was the point?

“I’ll do my worst. See you at 1300!”

Despite not having drifted with her for quite a while, Raleigh could still feel her softly shaking her head in his back accompanied by some muttered Japanese.

 

*

 

      It’s on day five when Raleigh finally slips.

The simulation yesterday had been good. Damn good even. Their neuronal handshake had been neat and strong and their team work almost spotless despite this being their first real training together. Raleigh had been on a high. Happy and eager and enthusiastic and, yes, also hopeful that Chuck was done with his run away bullshit and would now ease up again. 

The drift was not capable of lying. 

And the drift reflected clearly the same emotions he had just felt from Chuck.

They had been one perfectly functioning union. All in synch and no weirdness whatsoever. They had taken the simulated Kaiju down with speed and yeah, he even dared to think _elegance_ , that Gipsy in all her glory never had been able to do. It had been the experience in Striker of Chuck that had allowed this. Their estimated percentage had been 80%. Their actual score had been 94%. This had been what everybody had hoped for but nobody had really believed in until this very moment. 

They were fucking brilliant together!

And then Chuck was gone again. 

Just like this. 

The connection was cut, their feedback loop interrupted and the kid vanished like thin air. 

Not one open word to their success. 

Fuck his life if he knew what the hell the kid’s problem was!

 

“Told you I never knew when to hug or kick him.” Herc patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. It was lunch time and once again. Chuck was anywhere but here. “The drift didn’t make that any easier. Maybe even more complicated. It took the necessity of open communication from us I guess. All the important things we knew instantly through the connection and the rest.... I wouldn’t say they are not necessary but they also were nothing we were especially eager to touch. You know, speaking things out loud still make them more real than when they are just privately shared between your minds.”

Raleigh sighed, nodded, and shoved another spoon of mashed potatoes in his mouth. Eventually he had gone to Herc to ask him for advice. Seemed the most logical thing in the aftermath. But even he could only help so much. The Hansen’s were not exactly famous for their brilliant functional communication skills. 

“He’s a good kid but stubborn as a mule! I drifted seven years with him and his thrive for greatness is something that cannot be explained. Or understood. I’m actually pretty sure he doesn’t get it either. He’s just blindly following this exhausting call in his head...”

“I think I actually _do_ understandhimin that point.” Raleigh replied carefully, examined his next spoon of potatoes intensely. That stuff is tragically lacking of peas and chunky bits. He ate it nevertheless because food was food. And god knows he had had his fair share of hunger. “What I don’t get is why he denies our connection. We are pretty damn good together. You probably saw the data by now, right, sir?”

Herc nodded and gave a piece of his meat to Max, who was greedily swallowing it down in one bite. The followed pat on his head made him almost look like a happy, fat cat.

“No offense, sir, but your son is a stupidly pride egoist. So,... Isn’t this something to be proud of? Being on top of the game again before we could even set up our new pawn?”

This made Herc look back up from Max and directly into Raleigh’s eyes. His smile was a mixture of amusement and apology. 

“Oh, don’t get him wrong here, son- He _is_ proud of this. I can guarantee you that much.”

The heaved sigh of Raleigh felt like it carried the weight the world. He had hoped to get more insight in Chuck’s crazy head that contradicted their union within the drift so much. But to be honest, Raleigh didn’t feel any more enlightened than before. “God, he drives me crazy!”

“Well, welcome to the family.” 

 

       

*

 

      Raleigh still didn’t know what to do exactly, but he knew that he was tired of waiting. He had shown enough patience and Chuck had done nothing with it. Not even the tiniest sign of his goodwill. Fine. Whatever. Time was up to take a step into Raleigh’s direction on a voluntary basis. 

Surprisingly, it didn’t take him that long to get a hint of the stone Chuck had crawled under today. It was impossible to move along the Shatterdome without being seen by somebody. So he just followed the trail of see and tells and ended up in the construction halls. Actually, he didn’t really needed anymore people as soon as he entered the engineer sections of the Shatterdome. The pull was enough to guide him to his goal. 

 

Chuck was sitting alone on a platform at some metal plates that would be used for a Jaeger sooner or later. Probably for the outer shell considering their thickness. The skeleton of their new baby was towering in the middle of the hall. It was loud and smelt like brazing and oil. Engineers and mechanics were running along the ground and working all over the skeleton like busy ants. Next parts were hanging from cranes and lay sprayed around. One of them looked suspiciously like the prototype of the double sword Raleigh had asked for. 

It was an exciting view.

 “What ya up to, cowboy?” He approached the Aussie and simply sat down next to him.

Chuck kept his stare pinned to the Jaeger persistently, his eyes straight forward and unmoving. Though his posture definitely got about this bit stiffer. “What do you want?”

“Checking in with you since you’re spectacularly good at avoiding me and everyone else.”

“I don’t.”, came the immediate answer. Like the kid that denied eating the last cookie but still having crumps all around its mouth. 

Raleigh merely breathed out slowly, kept his voice calm but firm. The upwelling edge of anger was stubbornly swallowed down. 

“What did I tell you about lying to me, Chuck?”

The sudden blush all over the kid's face was a bit surprising but oddly satisfying. Raleigh could see the bones of his jaw working hard, restraining whatever other reaction that wanted to come out.

“Just because we’re co-pilots doesn’t mean we have to become best friends.”

“Yes, it does. The better the connection the better the drift.” To be fair, he wouldn’t describe Herc and his son as best friends, but still the nearest thing there was to it with two so socially dysfunctional people. So it still fit. And Raleigh _knew_ what the other wanted. Knew that he _craved_ for this connection between them but stubbornly denied it himself. There was nothing to gain from this ridiculous hunger strike of him!

“Our drift is fine.”

“But for how long, Chuck, if you keep acting like I don’t exist outside the cockpit?”

“Why do I have to? So you can use it against me again?”

“Use it against-?” It’s not like Raleigh didn’t know that this ... _problem_ they were having wasn’t partly because he revealed Chuck's crush on him. But he had thought, _hoped_ , that he had made himself clear enough in their little make out session. This was what Chuck wanted so he wouldn’t let him burry it behind some weird foggy wall again. “You are not serious, are you?!”

“I am dead serious, you has-been!” Chuck suddenly turned to him and his eyes spread ugly venom. “You peeked once in my head and you’re immediately pushing me down!”

Pushing him down? Yeah, okay. He did. But only on the mats, never in the Jaeger. In the Jaeger they were equals. The best of the best united for their next mission. 

“I did nothing you didn’t want me to do! Actually, I was not even half on the way of what you _really_ wanted from me!” And this was okay. Raleigh could take it slow. But he had seen, _felt_ , what Chuck wanted. Needed. Longed for. He was okay with this. With his awkward thought trails and kinks. It was all cool. Except that it wasn’t for Chuck.

“Fuck you! What gives you the right to act out after some confused memories?!”

“Excuse me? Which memories exactly? Did you not just jerk off to me the days after our first drift? And before we went to detonate the bridge too?”

Chuck let an annoyed and angry growl loose. His fingers closed and opened tensed fists. “God, you drive me crazy!!” For a moment Raleigh thought Chuck would attack him, but instead he jumped to his feet and stared down at him. Eyes dark and devouring, body tense and ready for fight or flight. “It doesn’t matter, you dick head! At all!! Nothing of it matters! Because all this, it’s _my own shit_ and you would know _jack_ about it if it weren’t for the drift! This is also the only reason why you suddenly think you’ve to be all over me- Because we _drifted_! You’re just in a stupid loop of my memories!”

“That’s not true. I might not be head over heels, but I appreciate you. And I want us to evolve together.” 

“Oh, you appreciate me. That’s makes of course everything so much cooler.” Chuck huffed, the well known dark mocking returned to his voice. Without fail, it always made him wanna punch the guy right on the spot.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?!” Raleigh’s own walls were rising up. He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help it. With Chuck, none of his usual behaviour or control was valid. Whatever he did, it always went straight through all his layers and tickled that one rare and ugly spot in him, that he had thought was lost in the ruins of his home town.

“I am not your bitch! Not in there-“ Chuck pointed angrily at the Jaeger skeleton. “And not out here!”

Raleigh held his glare with steady eyes. 

“... But you want to, don’t you? Out here?” His words came slow and with very careful choosing. 

Not careful enough though. 

“Oh my god!” Chuck cried out and lifted both his hands, fists tense and his face a mixture of enragement and I-cannot-believe-this-is-my-life. “Go and choke on some else’s dick!”

 

Raleigh’s hand was faster than his mind and his punch harder than his intention. Shit. The hit was a bit awkwardly placed thanks to his still half sitting position. He had only moved this little bit upwards to assure he would land a strike, but thus punched the other's jaw. 

When he saw how a wide eyed Chuck was stumbling back, too surprised to block fast enough and too stunned to react with a backlash, Raleigh bit down on his own lip. What was it about this guy that made him so short tempered? Fucking hell! He probably shouldn’t have done that.

Chucks left was slowly wandering to his chin, touched it carefully in disbelieve. If Raleigh wouldn’t know that he was absolutely forbidden to laugh about how stupidly dumbstruck the other looked, he would have already the shittiest of all big fat grins plastered all over his face.

“You just didn’t.”, was all Chuck said for the moment, and continued to look at him like he had just set their new Jaeger on fire. 

Actually Raleigh had more expected of him to strike back by now. The calmness on the other hand started to weird him out somewhat. Had he surprised Chuck really so much or was his anger already deflated?

“God, I hate you. I have no words!” 

Okay. Yeah. So the anger was definitely still there. That was... oddly comforting. 

Raleigh eventually stood up fully from his spot, the hands raised in a surrendering gesture. Chuck still took an immediate step back. His gaze wary and full of unreadable shadows.

“You only hate me because you l-“

“Say it and I will fucking kill you. Right here. On this platform. Fuck the Jaeger program.” His voice was harsh, short and dangerous. 

This really shouldn’t light up some twisted spark in him that purred to the obvious challenge. _Only_ s _aying things out loud makes them real_ , Herc had said. Chuck obviously shared this opinion. 

“ _Like me_ , you insolent brat!”

 _I asked you to clear things between you two, not make them worse!_ , Mako had said. Raleigh obviously wasn’t this good with obeying. 

“I am insolent?! You just fucking punched me! In the _chin_!” Chuck growled to finally come back at him with a punch of his own. The right hook was easily blocked but the left landed straight in Raleigh’s flank. His breath came out with a pressed hiss, but his expression was a dark smirk. Maybe this was something both needed far too much. The fight. 

 

It escalated within seconds. Fists were flying, knees and shins kicking. Raleigh was sure that Chuck could still feel the puckering from their last collision, but it didn’t make him slower or more hesitant. Quite the contrary- His focus was spot on, not fogged by blind rage but hawk sharp through targeted anger. Wherever they hit or kicked, the other would hold up to it and give immediate defy. In some moments it felt almost like a dance. 

They were in synchronization. The same way they had been the day when Mako had tested their compatibility. The same way they were in the simulator. And now the first time outside of any test areal. Raleigh’s heart skipped one beat only to suddenly speed up when it clicked back in. 

He barely avoided Chuck's next right elbow into his rips, blocked it with his own right and held Chucks arm in an iron grip. Fingers dug hard into the worn soft leather jacket. Eyes skipped over the angry face, the teeth bared like a vicious animal that was ready to claw off his face.

The tough left into his face was tolerable because it gave him the unprotected second he needed to charge forward while simultaneously pulling Chuck in by his forearm and crash their mouths together. The furious roar against his lips was merely just used by Raleigh to push his tongue into the other, licking hungrily over the testosterone bitter tasting flesh. Chuck was pulling against the grip. Biting him, first his tongue, then his lower lip. But it only elicited an equally animalistic snarl from Raleigh who bit right back. 

His free hand snatched down to grip right into Chuck’s crotch, feeling the hard, hot flesh through the rough textile of his pants. The Aussie gasped. Shock reflected in his eyes for the split of a second before they went back to dangerous glaring. 

“Told you, you like me.” Raleigh practically purred with a dark, satisfied grin plastered on his face.

It was ironic how Chuck was the one who had problems with his feelings and urges and not Raleigh. There was really no need to hide and deny. Not just because the drift told him anything anyway, but because he didn’t push Chuck away for it. He could stop lying to himself and stop being angry about something that was perfectly fine. 

 

But of course golden boy continued to choose the hard way. What else.

“Fuck you!”, Chuck ground out between clenched together teeth.

“Not here, cowboy.” Raleigh replied, still smirking and started to push the other backwards until the back of his legs bumped into the metal parts from before. “But what we can do is...” The rest was left open on purpose. Giving him a short cliff hanger to get his mental gears going. When he pressed Chuck down into an open sitting position, the younger still didn’t stop struggling against him. War and army must have really deprived this kid badly from porn. 

Only when Raleigh himself dropped to his knees between the splayed open legs and started fumbling with the fly of the other, Chucks face became the most precious expression. All shock and disbelieve and irritation and red up to his ears. But not one word or sound left his mouth anymore. 

If this was what it took to make the Aussie shut up and let go besides punching him in the face, Raleigh would probably do this a lot in the near future.

The fly was open and he pulled the pants this bit down to have a better access to his highly prominent goal- Chuck’s pre-come leaking cock, straining eagerly against the black trunks. Just to tease, Raleigh spontaneously licked over the textile, pressed his tongue only so much over the puckering flesh underneath and tasted some first bitterness. The violent shiver he already earned for this made his pulse rage through his veins as if he was about to fight a Kaiju and not blow Chuck fucking Hansen.

“Oh shit-!”, the younger hissed breathlessly.

Raleigh’s thumbs massaged over the inside of the other's legs where they met with his crotch. Another teasing lick and a soft bite. The harsh, quivering intake of breath motivated him to repeat the bite immediately. Chuck looked almost beautiful from down here. Suddenly all open again and accessible. No bullshitting, no lies, no aggression, no provocation. Just Chuck being swept away by sensations. 

Raleigh he could easily fall for this.

 

His head rolled sideward, so he could lie his cheek against the left leg of the younger. Near enough to be able to continue nuzzling and licking over the hot crotch and place more tiny bites all over it. How alluring it was to just stay here, like this, and loose himself in this easy feeling of soft textiles, hard solid muscles and a distinctive musky scent.

War taught him that the phrase ' _Take what you can get.'_ was a good guide in their constantly critical times. He didn’t want to live and be in permanent regret to never have what he wants. Neither did he want this misery for Chuck. The drift opened a book Raleigh might have showed already interest in before, but now that he had had a chance to really read it, he wanted to devour every page all over again. Especially the ones about him. He wasn’t sure if it could be already considered narcissistic to replay Chuck’s memories about him frantically getting off about Raleigh. Again and again and again. It was also amazing how stubborn this crush of him continued. Even with all the mixed in anger and yeah, shame, too. 

Raleigh didn’t like that one very much. Chuck shouldn’t feel ashamed. At all. He was just a human with feelings like everyone else. He had every right to feel lust and act after it. Even if it was about someone he was still angry with. Even if that someone wouldn’t reply positively to his thoughts.

But if the Aussie was too stubborn to take what he wanted and also too inexperienced to know what was totally legit to do and what not, Raleigh would simply give it to him. Teach him. They all deserved some candy for their constant hard work.

 

When Raleigh looked up again into the other's face it was flushed all over, his features still plastered with disbelieve and eyes so wide open that even from between his legs, Raleigh could see how dilated they were. 

“Ease up, sugar. It’s okay.” Raleigh smiled impishly. 

He straightened up a bit again to eventually free the eager member out of the slowly soaked trunks. Not bad, certainly not bad. Uncut and a bit shorter than Raleigh himself but more girth. Too bad the ladies cannot have this one for the incalculable future. When his fingers glided over the hungry flesh, he felt how soft and smooth Chuck’s skin was. ( _Pristine_ , shot through his mind and made him swallow an unexpected growl) But also how shivery Chuck suddenly got through this very first direct touch. Inhaling air stubbornly through the nose like it could calm his system down somehow.

When Raleigh’s eyes wandered down over the pubs of the Aussie, he bit down on his lips to suppress a grin. This was too good to be true.

“Or maybe I should start calling you fire crotch, hm?”

 

If possible, Chuck’s blush deepened. Raleigh didn’t need the pull to feel the other slightly freaking out again. That was really some delicate work he was doing here with the Aussie! 

Raleigh made another shushing noise, stroking soothing thumbs along his muscular hip bones.

“This was not a tease, Chuck. I like it.” 

And if to proof his point he lowered his head down enough to lick over the now completely bared cock. First the tip to get a better taste of the pre-come, then around the head. Nibbling playful at the foreskin and pulling it this bit back with his fingers to close his mouth over the sensitive tip and _suck_. Chuck relieved a moan that was not unsimilar to the needy whine of a dog in heat. Or maybe rather a wolf with that nicely deep voice of his. 

He’d love to hear so much more of this, press and suck every possible noise out of the other, but sadly this was not the place for it. The hangar was filled with construction noise, yeah, but one could never know. He was not eager to spend another week with hide-and-seek because someone accidently sees them and Chuck was losing his nerves about it. There was the chance that he wouldn’t, that he would be perfectly cool with it and letting his ego block every further embarrassment. But they were not far along enough with whatever they had started here to know such details with certainty. 

“Sh. I would recommend that you’re a good boy and keep it quiet ‘cause we’re not entirely alone here.”, he murmured, nuzzling along the throbbing cock. 

The dawning realisation was clearly readable on Chuck’s face. Only now he remembered where they actually were. Fighting in public was one thing, but making out another. 

It was a pity for the lost arousing noises the kid fabricated with that naughty mouth of his like this was its god given mission. On the other hand, it really wasn’t that bad to look up to increasingly lustful eyes and teeth that chewed hard on his full lower lip, trying their best to keep any noises in when Raleigh swallowed him down whole. 

 

In his twenty seven years Raleigh had had his faire share of cock and pussy. He grew up in troubled times after all. Every day counted and was worth celebrating. And as soon as Yancy and him hit the recruitment centre of the PPDC it had become pretty fast a give and take comradeship thing between many of the trainees. Raleigh enjoyed both with both genders. But if he had to decide what he liked best it was giving in combination with taking whatever he fucking wanted to take. He would always make it worth their time, although they often never even knew that they wanted what he had to offer. Could do to them. How _good_ it would be for them. Good enough to make his partner melt into an incoherent puddle of lust and pleasure. 

Yes, Raleigh learnt that if you want to give good you have to take with full hands first.

He relaxed his throat around Chuck’s cock and after some slow up and down movements he swallowed around him. Chuck suddenly bent forward, their heads almost bumped together from the sudden movement. So close to his ear he could clearly hear the chocked moan poorly hidden behind a hard bite into his own fist. Raleigh did it again and Chuck’s free hand snapped into his hair, holding on to it for his dear life. Hmm. He liked that. 

He moved his head slightly against the violently trembling fingers to encourage them. Felt their grip and pull strengthen instantly and moaned pleased around the hot flesh. 

 _Good boy._ He thought. _Learns quite quick after all_.

 

Raleigh continued in his motions. Pressed his tongue against the big vein along the shaft when he went up and down and glided under the foreskin when he sucked his head, until it was completely bared open and sensitive like an erect clit. His left hand moved from Chuck's hipbones along his crotch to fondle his balls. Let them gently glide through his skilled fingers and massage them.

Anew Chuck's head bumped into his, a whimpering moan so near that Raleigh wanted to swallow it down, too. 

It was curious how he crawled into himself over all the heat and lust while the majority of people stretched themselves out like damn snow angels.

He pressed up this bit against Chuck's hand so he'd understood to let him up some more and not try to press him down again in his sweet, sweet need. Another nuzzle along the spit slick cock and a moist, alluring lick of his tongue making it even wetter. 

“I know you told me to choke on someone else’s dick, but I think I’ll stick with yours.”

More droplets of pre-come leaked out of the dark tip. Chuck was still biting down on his hand, hard enough that it looked like he would be drawing blood from it any second now. But he still groaned something into his abused flesh that sounded an awful lot like his name. All drawled and needy and so full of his long neglected longings.

Raleigh had already the delight to discover in their first session how recipient the other was to his little pillow talk. How it shot right from his ear channels up to his lusty mind and then down to his needy cock. It was straight ahead delicious to watch.

 

“Leaking so hard.” He purred against Chuck’s hairline, licking some of the little sweat pearls away from it. It would be a lie to say he tasted of strawberries and vanilla ice cream, but this was exactly what Raleigh found so intriguing- The contrast between Chuck’s soldier body and mind and then this precious unspoiled core of innocence buried deep within him. The very same sweet core that made him shiver and groan and cling to him and almost scream to be touched, but being still too embarrassment about all of  it to ask for more.

Raleigh was kissing and nibbling along the side of Chuck's face, till he reached the spot where Chuck still bit down on his hand. A tongue swept out to lick over it. Pushing softly against the moist lips. Make them slowly let go of the hand. “Almost like a pussy.”, he continued to whisper.

Big dark eyes stared at him, the blue in them almost completely devoured by his pupils. “Oh god-!”, he moaned. Damn, he really had a soft spot for the way Chuck got all drawling and thick with his Australian accent the more he was aroused. 

Raleigh put their foreheads together, the same way he did their first time. Their noses slowly brushed against each other, hot heavy breath was shared between their mouths. The other's far more irregular than his own but this was so good about it.

When Raleigh asked him softly “Shall I stop?”, Chuck suddenly stopped breathing altogether. This was a bit mean, yes, but it served a purpose. 

“No!” 

Namely this one. Pushing him to at least some more vocal participation that would hopefully help them avoid a next possible crisis of conscience. 

“Then tell me what you want, Chuck.” His voice was calm and assuring. He liked when they were together like this, because Chuck always started unconsciously nuzzling against him. Seeking to be closer to him. Breathing him in. It was curiously intimate. 

“Your mouth.” The Aussie eventually answered, his eyes almost closed but not fully. Maybe just heavy with lust and keeping in control of his embarrassment. 

“Where?”

At this his eyes fell fully shut. Chuck sucked in another deep shaky breath. “Everywhere.”

 

How could he not grin about this answer like the kid who got the cake and was now allowed to eat it? This was quite unexpected but all the more a very pleasant surprise. Raleigh caught the other's mouth in a hungry kiss, licking into him like he wants to drink him up. A playful animalistic growl left his throat. Something about seeing Chuck like this, having him presented like nobody else ever experienced him before made Raleigh all fuzzy in the head. Like a drunkard. An addict drunkard, because he definitely wanted more of this. More of this delicately blank canvas that was still so fresh and open for any influence and unable to hide anything. 

“Someone’s gotten greedy!” Raleigh purred good tempered against him.

Chuck leaned further into the kiss and bit down on Raleigh’s lower lip, growling, but the renewed blush was audible. “Shut up! You asked.” 

“I did.” He chuckled and got Chuck into another bruising, passionate kiss. 

His right hand, still placed at the hipbone, slid further downwards, too. Together with his left at Chuck’s balls, he used the slickness he created and started stroking the others cock in an assertive manner. First he kept the pressure at a moderate level, testing his ways anew with Chuck’s member. But only when he increased his tight grip to create a rougher friction, he earned more of those sweet, longing moans that got devoured between their mouths. 

“Do you wanna come?”, he exhaled.

Chuck purred an affirmative needy noise against his mouth. Seeking to continue their kiss. 

“Then do it.”

 

Three, four more almost brutish strokes before the balls between his fingers tighten up this tiny bit more and Chuck was crying into his mouth. Hot spurts were pumped into his still stroking hand. Raleigh continued till the other started to whimper from oversensitivity and only then he took his hands slowly away. Some had dropped onto Chuck’s trunks and trousers; one spurt has unfortunately landed on Raleigh’s own shirt. too. And his hand, well. Let’s say the younger had created quite some mess here.

Chuck’s forehead rested on Raleigh’s shoulder. His chest heaved heavy and fast, only slowly coming down from his post coital bliss.

Raleigh in the meanwhile used his clean left to stroke absently through the other’s short hair, while he was examining his right. A curious tongue slid out to take an experimental lick of the slightly milky liquid. Hm. Salty, a bit bitter, musky enough to linger a bit uncomfortable in his mouth. Just like any other sperm. Raleigh wasn’t quite sure why he expected it to be different. Maybe he should make the other eat more fruits.

“You did not just lick that.”, came a sated but slightly incredulous voice from his shoulder.

“Why not?”

Chuck slowly lifted his head and gave him a discerning look. “It’s spunk.” The unspoken _Dah_! hung amusingly in the air.

Raleigh gave him a peck on the tip of his nose, accompanied by another impish grin. “Trust me when I say I plan to lick more questionable things of your body, sugar.”

The loud, averting groan let his grin grow even wider.

“I want another co-pilot!”

“No, you don’t.”

 


	2. Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck needs a little time out from the Shatterdome, the tests and foremost: Raleigh.  
> So he goes to do something that is long overdue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is back from Chuck's POV and also (hopefully) a first real step forward in Chucks and Raleigh slowly developing relationship :)
> 
> Ideas and requests for things you wanna see happen in the future are very welcome!

 *Chuck's POV*

 

 

He had problems sleeping lately. 

Not because he _couldn’t_ sleep per se, but eight out of ten times, he had started to have dreams. Again. Many of them were far too familiar and felt like an old nostalgic film he hadn’t watched in quite some time. And then of course there were new ones. Even more vivid and straining, now that he had tasted their content for real.

This was all Raleigh’s fault. Because he wouldn’t let him be. Because he suddenly thought it was his own personal crusade to make them BFFs and fuck buddies and whatever other shit he was after. Chuck’s protests had no weight in this. The other's head was just too thick and focused on pretty much everything else apart from what came out of Chuck's mouth. Except for when he managed to press some moans out of him, then it was suddenly pure gold. Fuck that washed up dickhead!

 

Chuck was not okay with any of this.

Not with what Raleigh did. Not with what his _own mind_ did. Thanks to their training, their drifting, they had somewhat fallen into this feedback loop of Chuck's memories and old feelings, which nurtured Raleigh’s freshly awakened interest in him in the most stupid and unwanted way and was also fed right back to Chuck. It was a damn vicious circle he had no idea so far how to break out off. 

Trying to explain hadn’t functioned. Running had neither. Shoving Raleigh away was of the table too, since especially this tactic made Raleigh attack his private space even more aggressively. 

And now that the dreams had re-entered Chuck’s life too, things got even more complicated. 

 

There was no privacy in the drift. Yes. But somehow this fucker knew of some of his nightly imaginations even _before_ they were scheduled for their next training. He never said it too directly, but it was obvious. In the way Raleigh would always be this little bit more intimate, would stand and sit this little bit closer next to him, would look at him with surprisingly dark eyes and ask him if he had a good night. 

Chuck had an idea how he knew of all this, but he wasn’t ready yet to admit to it. This would mean a totally new level of depth he didn’t want to think about currently.

He had enough to do with all the scientists and shrinks that were still all over him for analysing his miraculous come back and of course, this stupid shit ass black hole in his head that Raleigh had discovered. It was exhausting and infuriating and also a bit angst-inducing. He hadn’t had so much focus on his person since he had first joined the PPDC with his old man. And again there was no one at his side who would protect him from all this madness and demands but push him deeper and deeper into his duties as a Ranger. 

 

He thought about going to his old man. Maybe try to talk for once. But he already knew that this would not happen. Now maybe even less than before. His old man was closer to him than ever before, always sported this edge of disbelieve and wonder in his eyes when he saw him and it always looked like he _wanted_ to say something to Chuck, but then he didn’t. Even Max failed as wire between them. They probably had too much to say and to show to be paralyzed for two more lives.

 

So, ultimately, it was normal that Chuck wanted a break out, right?

 

He had thought about it for a few days already, but couldn’t really manage to cut down his tightly filed schedule to get away.

But when he woke up this morning to the vivid memory of kissing and nibbling along dream-Raleigh’s back, of humming satisfied to the purring and openly enjoying noises he made, of placing hickie’s all over the back of his neck and shoulders while Raleigh pressed his arse up into his heated crotch and all of this seemed far too sharp and real, Chuck decided today was the day. 

 

Chuck had left Tendo a quick message that he would be out and not back before the evening. Considering the current fuss about him, Chuck thought it wouldn’t be wise to leave without some note at least. After all he wasn’t very eager to get stalked down by security who thought he might have run off for good. Or even worse, got lost or kidnapped by one of those crazy Kaiju Church people.

 

It was raining as it did so often in this stodged city of bones and lights. 

In general Chuck didn’t care where he was stationed. He always would be where the fight would be. Maybe they would move as soon as their new Jaeger would be done. Nobody could tell by now. But one thing he dearly missed from the time being stationed in Sydney was the weather. Hong Kong could be awfully humid, even when the sun was out. Moistness constantly lingered in the air together with indescribable smells and the noise of too many people in too cramped up space.

 

The Boneslum was filled with umbrellas of all kinds and colours. Some of them actually looked like they were made out of Kaiju left over’s too. Crazy Chinese. Chuck’s cap was pulled deeply into his face, his collar of borrowed jacket from an old Striker crew member stood up high and was drawn close to his neck. Protected it from letting the rain in as good as it got. 

The goal was clear and not too far away from the black market quarter. It had been a recommendation by Newt. The nerd had been the most logical choice to ask for advice in this specific matter and he had been more than glad to help him out. Excited even, which made Gottlieb look even more displeased with the little man than he usually was. For the split of a second these two weirdos had reminded him of Raleigh and himself. But as soon as this thought had crossed his mind he had thrown it over board again. No fucking way he would start to go down that road.

 

After the fish market, came the herbal section and something Chuck likes to call >> the voodoo-crap stuff<<. He had never been superstitious and so called panaceas were always a total rip off in his books. If you’re sick go to a goddamn doctor or take it like a man and endure it. If you cannot get it up, well, sucks for you. Maybe you should just rethink your sexual preferences and see what that does for you. You want a miracle? Well, fuck, this won’t happen anyway. At least not in this world. And not through some powder they crushed out of Kaiju or shark bones. 

 

But he wasn’t here for this crap anyway. What he wanted lay behind this especially incense heavy place. A red on black sign gave away the tiny entrance into a literally crack between two worn down houses. It was barely lit, but Chuck followed it like Newt had told him to. Just keep going right to the end. There’d be a little court, full of bamboo and two chairs and a table where maybe two old folks would sit and smoke, maybe not. Depended on the day. And there he was supposed to take the left hand door, not the right hand. That would give him something completely else he really wasn’t after currently. (But he maybe should send Raleigh there to get some of his steam off.)

 

When Chuck reached the court he indeed saw two old Chinese sitting there, an umbrella spun above their heads to keep them dry in the rain and long, thin pipes in their hands. It smelled like extremely spicy tobacco and something else. Not drugs. Something more earthy. More mineral. A bit similar to when they welded some parts back onto a Jaeger. 

They only looked at him but otherwise showed no further motion. Just puffing along on their pipes. Alright. That suited him. Forced engagement with people was never his thing. Polite small talk neither.

Chuck went as he was told for the left door where the black-red sign was once again. This time also underlined with a big red dragon painted on the old wooden door.

 

A wind chime rattled when he entered. The air was thick with smoke and incense. Classic Chinese music  was playing out of some hidden speakers. The light was so dim here and the place decorated in deep red, that Chuck wondered if Newt had mixed it up and it was the right hand door after all.

But when a lady suddenly appeared out of the backroom, body typically slender and petite but plastered all over with filigree and very carefully selected tattoos, he knew he was right here. She bowed slightly to him, smiled soft and inviting. Chuck clumsily bowed back, completely unsure in his movement. Really, he was complete crap at those things. 

He dug out the little card Newt had given him as little intermediator and handed it over to her.

 

She only threw a glance at the card but her smile got this bit wider. Knowing.

“Kaiju?” She asked, accent thick and voice surprisingly low for an Asian woman.

Chuck nodded once.

“Yes and no. I need only some heads. Three to be specific.” He started to take off his jacket but then paused, looked at her. “May I?”

She blinked once, long, enough agreement to continue. This much he had learned by now.

Chuck stripped of his jacket, let his grey shirt follow and pointed at his chest ink that showed off his Kaiju kills. She took the few steps between them and inspected them. An elegant, long nailed finger was carefully tracing along the lines. 

 

“The same?” she asked again, but this time he shook his head.

“Not exactly, no. I want a different style. More... special?” This idea had blossomed up in his head a few days ago. The ink was long overdue anyway, but when he decided to make these three different to his other ten, he couldn’t wait any longer for it. It had become an almost nagging urge within him. He _needed_ it to be like this.

 

 

The woman laid her head slightly to the side, looked up to him and smiled understanding. 

“You trust me or you have idea?”

“Do you know who I am?”

She just looked at him like this was a completely unnecessary question.

“Then I trust you. Do what you think fits to it.”

And by 'it' they both knew he meant the closing of the breach. The last battle deep own in the pacific. The death of him and Pentecost. The temporary safety of humanity, that now counted down once again to its next big battle but was more prepared than ever for it. More determined to beat those ugly bastards once again. 

 

She guided him into the backroom she just came from. The walls were filled with sketches of various ink motives and line arts. With Chinese text he couldn’t read. With hanging and standing plants. It was incredibly hot in here. A bit like in a greenhouse, but the air was dry and smoky from the incense. A divan stood in the middle of the little room, a red and gold blanket lay over it and an old wooden stool stood before it. 

Candles provided the room with extra light, but at the divan was also one bigger lamp to give the light that was needed to be able to work properly. 

She motioned him to lie down and started the little dance she must have done already god knows how many times. While Chuck was spreading out in his back, she got latex gloves, several ink pots, disinfectants, paper towels, and the infamous sticks with the sharp needles at the end. It would be his first traditional Irezumi ink. 

Only when she took a big bottle out of one of her many drawers, Chuck rose his eyebrows in question.

“Drink.”

“Why?”

“You need. You no meditating.”

“Says who?”

At this it was her turn to look surprised for a second or two, but then she got her sweet smile back and put the bottle aside. It’s not a widely spread known fact, but as a Ranger you learn a lot more than just fighting. Keeping your mind in balance and being able to blank out stuff was one of the most important things if you wanted to pilot a Jaeger. To keep your shit together and don’t accidently kill yourself and your co-pilot off, they had meditation lesions, did Tai Chi, saw shrinks and all kinds of other stuff to keep you in the line. It had never been his favourite part of the training but seeing what had happened with Scott and his old man had taught him early enough that this was nothing he should duck out from. 

 

The first sting into his skin was always the oddest, probably because your body automatically anticipated and prepared for the coming intrusion. But Chuck never had been a sissy and when he was completely honest actually enjoyed the pain the inking gave him. It was a pleasurable feeling of piercing and scratching and set his nerve endings on fire like only a tattoo needle could.

The Irezumi style felt different to the machines Westerners used though. Very different. No bussing, no vibrations. No impossibly rapid movements. Everything was more stretched. The sensations. The pain. The endurance.

 

Chuck breathed in and out as calmly as he could manage. He tried to slide into his Zen point, not letting the excitement and the sweet stings get too far into his head. Portions of adrenalin and endorphin streamed through his system. Tingling additionally along his skin. 

Images of their first suit fitting popped up in his mind. Raleigh had let his eyes roam over his ink. Seemed to take every detail in he could spot from his position. His lids had fallen half mast and the baby blue had almost vanished in a dark hole. 

 

Yeah, no. That was definitely not the right thing he should think about while getting tattooed. Chuck could feel his cock twitching in interest, curses himself for being so mind blowingly stupid and wired so limitedly when it came to that goddamn has-been.

The woman chuckled lightly and Chuck opened his eyes for a moment, looking apologetically at her. 

“Is okay. Happens.”

Happens, yes. He knew. It’s not the first time he had this while inking. Also not the first time he had this when thinking of Raleigh. But combined? This was a new one and something that was annoyingly hard to ignore now that the thought had popped up in his head.

Fuck his life. Seriously.

 

After the first new Kaiju head was embedded onto his chest, she took a five minute break to clean the fresh ink and have a quick smoke. Chuck didn’t move the whole time, just continued to lay at his back, eyes closed and trying to think about nothing. Just being blank and letting the sensations wash over him. It worked far better when she started the second head. He had time enough to adapt and calm himself and really meditating like he had planned to right from the beginning.

He breathed in the thick and heavy air, while the needle punctured over and over through layers of his skin. 

 

By the third head he was electrified all over, but in a pleasing and grounding way. Just going with the flow of the pain and burn. It was good. Really good. He wouldn’t say better than the western technique but very different. Satisfying in a different way. 

 

When she was done she cleaned the heads all over again, looked at her work, smiled and handed him a mirror. Chuck looked through it at his chest and fuck- this was better than he had hoped for and like nothing he had in his mind. 

There they were- three very different Kaiju heads, not like the ones he had fought down at the bottom of the Pacific and definitely nothing like his old repeated Kaiju pattern.

They were her own creation of monsters, of Kaiju!, because damn, if this hadn’t crawled right out of the ocean somewhere else! The three heads bared their teeth, dangerous and stunning at the same time. Kaiju Blue glomming here and there out of their skin and open mouths. They were different than Newts tats, less comic and more real although these three had officially never existed. 

Chuck loved it.

He really absolutely fucking love it.

 

His stunned silence and big eyes must have said more than any word of gratitude ever could, because when he looked back up to her she was grinning wide and happy and obviously pleased with herself. Giving him a half nod-bow as a gesture of “You’re welcome.”

 

When he paid, he gave her more than she had asked for. See it as a tip, he said when she tried to refuse the extra cash. That’s often a thing with the Asian, too greedy or too polite. Fortunately she accepted after this and he didn’t need to “force” the money on her. And why not? He had enough money from all the years in the army and never being really able to spend any of it. (For what anyway? Besides his tats, he got most stuff in the basis anyway. Food, clothes, stuff for Max. It was all there.) 

She deserved it and definitely needed it more than him.

If they should be stationed in Hong Kong, Chuck would definitely come back here and get some more ink.

 

He left her accommodations with one last try of a clumsy bow. Maybe he should ask Mako after all how to do this properly. That means, yeah, if they stay here or at another Asian base.   

Yet, not two steps out of her door and Chuck halted already again. Under the umbrella were still two people, sitting and smoking in silence and maybe listening to the rain. But the left one was certainly not the old guy from before. 

“The fuck, man? Are you stalking me?!” 

There he was, Raleigh-curse-of-his-life-Becket, completely unbothered and like it was his bloody God given right to sit out here and have a damn smoke! Since when was that dickhead smoking anyway? 

 

“You done?” Raleigh didn’t even have the decency to look up to him but just continued to stare at an undefined spot and taking another deep drag of his fag. Not even a pipe like the other dude. The American must have gotten them from somewhere else. 

Chuck stepped right in front of the other, forced him with this to at least look at some part of him. Even if it was  his stomach currently. Arms crossed over his chest, he snarled. “My question came first.” 

 

The easy shrug he got as answer was almost as maddening as the smoke that got blown into his direction. “You vanished. I was concerned. The Boneslums is not exactly safe for someone like you.”  

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Raleigh shook his head. “Not here.”

 

He took another deep drag of the fag before he pressed it out in the provided ashtray. He nodded in the direction of the other old man and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like Chinese to him (Chuck had no idea if it was Cantonese or Mandarin. Sounded all the same to him). The old guy smiled a half toothless smile and mirrored Raleigh’s nod. Then the American was suddenly up and put a hand on Chucks shoulder, leading the perplexed man away from the little court and back into the dark hallway he came here through earlier. 

For a few more second Chuck stayed too puzzled to react. Just went with the flow and let himself be guided through the darkness. But when they reached the exit door, he shook Raleigh’s hand off and gave him an angry shove. Pushed him away from himself and from the door. 

“Stop it!” 

 

It was hard to see the others face in the dark. Most of his form was hidden in the shadows. Only some cracks within the old wooden door let in some dim light and illuminated thin streaks here and there of his body. His mouth was one of those small bits.

It looked indifferent. Completely expressionless. Even when he spoke it moved only minimally. 

“What did you do in there?”

Chuck frowned. Never mind the darkness. 

“How about- That’s none of your business?” The drift would reveal it rather sooner than later anyway. But this here was about principles. Raleigh could not just appear here playing another episode of dickhead in action! 

 

The mouth moved out of the light. The streak illuminated for the split of a second Raleigh’s nose, then eyes, then forehead, then he was completely in the dark. But not gone. Oh no. Because Chuck could fucking _feel_ him in front of himself, hovering far too close for their own good. 

“You smell like smoke.” 

“That compliment goes right back to you.” Cause he did. He reeked of fresh, strong tobacco. And rain. And something very earthy that Chuck already knew far too well. 

Suddenly Raleigh’s face was _right there_. His breathe was striving along his cheek, his jaw, his neck. A nose was brushing along his damp skin. 

“And perfume.” He murmured, sounded dangerously low. Even a bit husky. 

“Well, it’s not mine. Now back off, Becket!”

 

But Raleigh staid exactly where he was, didn’t let Chuck push him away this time so easily. “I know it’s not yours.” He could feel the Americans lips ghosting over his kin. Don’t falter. Stay put. Stay angry. You have every right. Don’t fucking give in again!  

“What did you do in there?” Raleigh asked again in this damn deep voice, almost whispered. 

Chuck inhaled a bit too rapidly, forced his damn nerves to stay calm and his heart beat to slow the fuck down. He would not allow to get pushed down that road again. This had to end. Just because he had this-... this _thing_ for Raleigh didn’t meant the other could use it against him whenever he felt like it. 

 

Chucks voice was steady and collected when he grumbled “What do you think I did in there?” right back into the older man’s ear. Yes, what indeed? This time he would keep the ball in his field. Fuck this asshole! ( _not_ literally. Or, maybe yes. At some point. But certainly not now and here.)

“Depends I guess. Did you keep your pants on?”

And just like this all the tension and nervousness vanished out of Chuck like someone had just slapped him into the face while he had been sleepwalking. Comprehension dawned on him and he was certain that the big fat amused smirk was more than audible in his voice.

“Is _this_ why you’re here?”

This idiot of a Ranger must have spoken to the nerds and whatever they had told him, must have led him to assume that Chuck had been here for the lusty right door. Still didn’t fully explain why he stalked after him the whole way out here, but it definitely made it a helloffalot more funny.

 

The continued silence of Raleigh ultimately made Chuck laugh out loud. Letting his head easily fall back against the moist, cool wall of the dark hallway. 

“Oh my god, you totally are!” 

“Shut up, Hansen.”

“Pfe, no way! This is too good! Raleigh-shining-hero-of-earth-Becket creeps after me because- what? You were afraid someone might spoil me before you can continue your little rape crusade?” He was still laughing, was far too amused to care about his choice of words. But when he felt the body in front of him stiffening, shifting slightly from one food to the other and sucking in some deep air, his fun died away very quickly again.

“.... Becket?”

“ _No!_ I- no!” It suddenly spurted out of the older man, an indescribable tone in his voice. “What the fuck Chuck? I never- Is _this_ how you see it?”

Chuck shrugged despite the darkness, leaning further back into the cooling wall. Away from the other. “Definitely feels a lot like it.”

 

An oddly strangled noise escaped Raleigh’s throat. Chuck almost wished he could see the face to it.

“This is ridic- Seriously, Chuck. I would never do anything I am not certain about you wanting, too!”

Chuck laughed again, but the amusement was replaced by cold bitterness and disbelieve. 

“Oh yeah? Then how about you ask me next time instead of just attacking me?”

This whole thing between them, whatever it was, really got out of hand far too fast and spread out into new dimension he hadn’t even thought about. So this stupid son of gun seemingly really crept after him to- what? Play macho and put his imaginary flag onto Chuck? 

The Aussie was reluctant but not stupid. Every time it had been written far too clearly all over Raleigh’s face (Hell, he kinda even told him! Or not?)- His horribly annoying satisfaction to be _first_. 

Chuck for his part still couldn’t decide if he should allow his teeny self to throw a fucking party about this elongated old wet dream or if he wants to scream in frustration and punch someone in the face (preferably Raleigh) for the cruel joke of the universe.

 

“... I can do that.” Raleigh answered, voice certain and honest.

It somehow hit him in such an angle, that he felt like to decide for the punch-option right now and throw it hard at the other. Confident asshole.

“You’re too kind.” He huffed. 

A hand came up to carefully lie down on his shoulder again. Probably only because Raleigh couldn’t see much either and just didn’t want to offend Chuck through a wrong placement but it still felt kinda... nice.

 

“Seriously though, you didn’t come here to-...?”

And this was the moment Chuck batted the hand away again. 

“Hell no! Unlike other people I can keep it in my pants.” 

“Oh, I know _that_.”

“Obviously not.”

“.... Point taken.” Silence again. Slow breathing of both men and uncertainty that lingered in the air. “But then,... why _are_ you here?”

Wordlessly Chuck pushed himself away from Raleigh, fumbled for the door handle and opened it. The in streaming light hurt somewhat despite its dimness and the continuous rain. His eyes had already adapted a good deal to the darkness. 

Before Raleigh could ask any further questions, Chuck started to push up his grey shirt. Must have been quite an odd sight for anybody who cared to watch, but in this district nobody would mind or call them off. For a split second Raleigh’s eyebrows where almost all the way up to his hairline, before the foil on Chucks chest got visible and his face relaxed into a surprisingly soft smile.

 

Those damn filigree fingers sneaked immediately forward, ghosting over the foil, touching only once but retreating back to mere hovering when Chuck hissed from the soreness of his skin. 

“Why are these three different?”

“Because _they_ were different. I needed the new ink to remind me what we did to kill them.” 

That was only half of the truth actually. Yes, he wanted it for their kills down there, for their closing of the breach (If only temporary) and as reminder of their victory. That they could really do this shit. They did it once, so naturally they could do it another time. These new marks would remind him of this in their next battle. This and... Yeah, that he was alive. However that happened. He was still here. On the outside Chuck didn’t care about the miracle speeches other held about him at all. But on the inside, he was still freaked out and wary. Had nightmares he couldn’t remember and a black hole was somewhere in his head. 

But he was still there. Despite all the shit.

He survived those three ugly motherfuckers and an atomic bomb. 

That was worth a slightly more detailed tattoo, right?

 

“We?” asked Raleigh with an almost surprised tone in his voice.

“You were there too, or not?”

“Didn’t think you’d admit  that.”

Chuck only gave him a dismissing noise. Even without the Americans face staring down on him from at least every second poster on countless streets and was appearing in God knows how many news breaks and PPDC campaigns. Chuck would never deny him that victory. Hell, if he hadn’t gone out of the ring too early, he would’ve gone down with him there. Or jumped alone, as originally planned. But it was Raleigh who managed to collapse the breach and make it back totally none-miraculous and just with a few bruises. 

Yes, they both have been there and never mind all the other flaws of the American, Chuck very much respected what he had done down there. For all of them. For his dad. For Max. For Mako. (...For Chuck...)

 

Raleigh’s face got closer to his still exposed chest. His eyes slightly squinted together to focus better in the dim light. “You’ve got some good work done there.”

“Hm.” 

“Makes me almost wanna get one too. But I could never decide on a motive.”

Chuck heard that phrase so often he never knew what to say to this. Go with the flow? His were all marks and reminders of some point. And protection. Things to strengthen his soul and guts. But this was not everyone’s thing. So, yeah... 

 

After a few more seconds of Raleigh staring at his chest and being far too close with his damn open face, Chuck just suddenly pulled his shirt back down. Slightly grazing the other's nose while doing so. His answer was to wrinkle his nose for a moment and Chuck wanted to bite on his tongue when he thought, that this looked rather cute and even more like a Golden Retriever.

But when the American stood back straight, he had his wide shit-face grin back in place and Chuck felt himself already stiffen again by involuntary annoyance. “Can’t wait till they’re healed!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The followed laugh made Chuck frown even harder.

“Oh Chuck, you really grew up under a rock!”

Chuck was already about to say something in defence, just out of plain automatisms. But when it suddenly hit him what the older had meant – in both cases-, he couldn’t help the angry snarl that escaped his mouth. He shoved the other further from him and stomped away from this damn doorframe and weird dark alley. It was still raining but seriously, who the fuck cares? 

“Jesus Christ! You kill me!” 

 

Within moments the American had of caught up to him, not the least bothered by his outbreak and just comfortably walking next to him.

“Where are you going?”

The mere innocence in his voice let Chuck role his eyes. Didn’t matter that the other couldn’t even see it. He really hadn’t signed up for shit like _this_. 

“ _Back_ , if that’s alright with you, Mr. Stalker.”

“Of course.” Raleigh nodded and kept continuing to walk. To his own shock and wonder Chuck noticed that their steps were in synch. Even when he sped up somewhat the other never fell out of tact. Chuck checked over himself. His walking style. But besides that his movement of arms was in synch with the other's. He hadn’t adapted his weird ass swag yet. Thank god.

Chuck was deep enough into his observations that he almost didn’t notice the soft bump of a shoulder against his. “Hey, wanna grab something to eat on the way?”

Instead of looking up into his face, Chuck looked back down to their synchronized feet. Followed on their way through other chaotic pairs and puddles of water.

He felt a smile upwelling in him and wanted to sigh about his own stupidity. 

“...Okay.”

 

 


	3. Blood Makes Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh brings Chuck to Newts and Hermanns lab to finally get some more insight about this Black Hole inside Chucks mind and the blackout he had between being dead in the Pacific and alive at the Hokkaido coast.
> 
> Aka, nope- Haven't forgotten the title and the reason for this fic yet XD  
> Here comes some serious plot! *wui*

This was all Raleigh’s fault. Exclusively. 

  
There were only a few other moments within the last weeks where he hated the American more than today. Or, maybe not more but at least equally. Chuck had clearly told him that he didn’t want this. Fuck the shrinks, fuck his nightmares, fuck their drifting, hell, fuck Mako , too! So there was a  B ig  B lack  H ole  in his mind. Whatever! People should stop making such a big deal o ut of it. If he could live with it, why can’t they? (Why can’t stupid dickhead Raleigh?!)    


  
Chuck wasn’t even sure why he gave in to Raleigh’s pushing again and again. So far no one came even one inch closer to this mystery. Which was, to be fair, very likely his fault as much as it was the one of the shrinks and docs \- Chuck simply didn’t want all those people poking around in his head. He had enough shit going on and to sort out that he really had no nerve left to spare for this. (And guess who’s fault that was, too?)   


  
And then there was of course the very simple but yet not to be scoffed at fact that Chuck didn’t want to know what the deal was with this Black Hole.  _Not-one-bit_ . Some things were better left alone and to slowly but comfortably rot away in the darkness than being dug up and examined. They probably could all agree that it was the key to his miraculous resurrection act (and he had punched every single guy who had the impudence to make a Jesus joke at him). But even without knowing the details Chuck could feel that whatever it was, was not exactly material for a lullaby story.    


He had nightmares for a reason. 

  
Now imagine how uncomfortable he felt about opening that Pandora 's B ox  _for real_ . What would that do with him on the long run? Would he completely loose it? (He meant, man, just look at Raleigh! It’s been almost six years now since Yancy’s death and the day he piloted G i psy alone back to shore and he is still a bit fucked by this.  _Always would be_ . There were things that just couldn’t heal once they broke, especially within the brain . )   


 

  
Raleigh said they needed to know.  _They_ as in he and him. That it was important for their drifting and as preparation for the next Kaiju wave and maybe some weird golden secret that lay hidden in there to give them an early advantage yadda yadda blah blah blah.    


Chuck was tired of hearing those endless arguments. Was tired of Raleigh pushing and poking him all the time and behaving like it was his own goddamn mind they were talking about here. 

  
If it weren’t for Mako, who strongly supported Raleigh (what bloody else? The super BFFs of the Shatterdome! God, they could be so annoying together!), Chuck would have never agreed to anything of this. And he guessed it had only been a matter of time  until this annoying path let them to the German nerds again. Newt had circled around him like a moth around light pretty much since he reappeared in the Shatterdome. And now finally his glorious day for free tastings has come.    


He knew those two guys for quite awhile, far longer than Raleigh. He knew what they were capable of. How twisted their minds worked and where their priorities lay. And the first step back into their shared laboratory brought all those memories back down on him like an avalanche. 

Chucks eyes roamed over some known machines, at the back of the lab the various Kaiju organ tanks of course and also some of their weird inventions and chalk boards and computers and somewhere, Chuck knew, would also be still a couch, burrowed under papers and folders and in front of it a TV screen and some old play consoles with every game ever invented that had monsters and mecha’s in them. 

  
(The only reason so far he had voluntary visited the lab. But today was not a gaming night between Newt an d him. Today the little freak would toy with his mind and yeah, still nothing that made him particularly comfortable.)   


 

  
Chuck pretty much ignored Newt ' s greetings, just minimally nodded  in his direction . It was hard to say which feeling dominated- His anger at Raleigh or this lingering horror within him about what was about to come next. He was terrified okay? There, he said it! Bamm! Chuck Hansen was freaked out by two scrawny nerds and their toys. Or more, what they could  _do_ with these toys to him.   


 

German ranting somewhere echoed in his shutting down brain. Only penetrated by the only voice he was unable to lock out of his head. 

“You think this is for you?” 

Chuck followed Raleigh’s amused finger point despite better knowledge and sucked in a deep breath. Oh fucking Jesus H Christ. That looked like something straight out of a horror movie he had watched secretly at night as a kid. When his mum had been still around to catch him sitting in the dark living room in front of the telly and just silently sat down next to him with a knowing smile and held his hand in comfort when it got too bad.

 

  
“If this thing is frying me, I’ll come back and haunt the shit outta you, Becket.” Chuck answered between clenched teeth. And the next moment Newt was appearing back in front of his face, e xcited grin from one ear to the other and an inviting gesture to just mentioned examination chair.    


  
“Alright then, sh a ll we start the preparations? We got it all cleaned up and nice for you. Even did some test runs yesterday with the janitor- A lovely guy! Do you know him? A bit boring brainwaves but hey- There is a destiny for everyone! Herman, dammit, are you done  yet ?!”    


Newt gently pushed Chuck over to the chair and made him sit down. It looked like an old dentist chair, only that it had additionally some arm rests. 

  
“Yes, yes! What did I t ell you about patience? A genius mind needs time to be thorough.” Hermann finally answered and came out from behind  a collection of chalkboards and with some note pads in his hands.    


  
“Wrong! A genius mind has to seize the moment when it knocks at its forehead!” , argued Newt while putting something around Chuck’s head that he recognized as the device the two geeks had used to drift with the Kaiju.    


  
“No, no, you do it all wrong! First the pads for the ECG and the EEG!” Hermann interrupted Newt and pushed his hands away from Chuck ' s head.    


“Oh, yes. Right. Could you please strip out of your shirt, Chuck?” 

Well, if this wasn’t a lovely start. 

He was trapped between two over eager and confused scientists where one was Frankenstein and the other Einstein. How the hell should that make him feel just the tiniest bit more at ease? 

  
While the drift device was taken from his head again and Chuck pulled his grey shirt over his head, his eyes were pinned at Raleigh’s who still had the unabashed balls to look amused and all too comfortable. But to put the icing on the cake, he could feel the other ' s eyes roaming over his body, stopping where Chuck knew all too well were some of those damn hickeys right over his new ink he had the effrontery to put there. He was this close to take a part of one of those crazy machines and bash it over Raleigh’s stupid head.    


Fortunately the nerds had no interest whatsoever in his skin and just started to put little moist pads over his chest and an extremely tight hole-filled cap over his head. Yeah. 

This would be fun.

In this moment Raleigh chose to close the current gap between them and placed himself slightly to the left of the chair. Enough out of the way to not be a hindrance to the nerds but also close enough that Chuck immediately felt the by now familiar pull get more easy on him. 

Chuck couldn’t say how but he knew the other did it on purpose. Probably felt his rising discomfort the more shit they put onto him. Damn him!

"Is that okay or will I be in the way?" the American asked and Newt merely shrugged.

  
"Uh, yeah, sure, lemme see. Yes , I think you can stay there. I think it will be good if you are close. I know comfort and stuff are very important factors." The last bit Newt quoted like he didn't quite get behind the concept of it, but could acknowledge it as truth, but then his eyes flipped insecurely between them. "I mean, as co-pilots and all...or not?"    


The American gave Newt a reassuring smile and Chuck merely snarled. 

Well, fuck you. Both! He didn’t need support. What he needed was to be left the fuck alone! 

  
But he knew there was no way he could back out of this.  _Would_ back out of this. He was here now and never mind his panic; Let’s just get over with the shit, okay? He had better things to do.    


And a Chuck Hansen was maybe called a lot of things but never a coward. Or a quitter. 

Fear is just another emotion to overcome and beat down. Strife up from it. The only reason why the fear this time was so hard to handle was because... It was undefined. Chuck couldn’t say what he was afraid of because nobody including him knew what was this thing inside him and what it was there for or what it would maybe do to him if they poke it. It’s different than going into a battlefield- Your enemy might be also undefined but you know at least your goal- Search and destroy. 

Easy. Done.

  
With this Black Hole bullshit Chuck knew nothing. No mission, no goal, no reason. Everything was in the dark. The only thing he could really do right now was taking one breath after  an other and preparing for pretty much everything.    


  
His right leg was jittering ever so slightly up and down and before he even knew what happened, Raleigh had put his hand on his knee, while Newt and Gottlieb still attached  some more pads to him and started again muttering between themselves in German. Yeah, seriously, the hand there? Not helping. If anything it made him pissed o ff on top of his extreme nervousness.    


However, he couldn’t bring himself to shake Raleigh off. Not when Herman was putting the last pads on him and started next to connect an endless row of wires to them, while Newt cumbersome wiggled the drift devise back onto his head over the EEG cap. As if the former didn’t already press his head together enough. That’ll end in a good portion of headaches, he could feel that already.

“Don’t be nervous Mr. Hansen, it’ll only effect the machines readings. We’d run a lot of calculation and simulations in preparation and they always turned out best when the host was relaxed.” 

Chuck gave Hermann a grim smile and chirped in his best fake cool voice “Of course, doctor.”. 

Of course Raleigh couldn’t let this moment pass in indifference but needed to give him a squeeze at his knee. Fuck off, dammit! Who did he think he was? His distressed girlfriend in need of a strong manly hand? God! If he weren’t strapped to this chair he would just get up and- 

“Chuck, I need you to lean back and take a deep breath. Think about- I dunno, waterfalls, ice cream, sharks under your surfboard. Whatever makes you chill and open enough to let us start with phase one!” Newt demanded, pressing some buttons on machine number one which then started to hum quietly and put a second drift devise over his own head. 

  
“Oki dok i e- let’s rock this.”    


Chuck grim smiled again and breathed in, out, tried to unclench his jaw and muscles. 

The ECG and EEG got activated. 

 

  
For the next five minutes they did the basic ECG procedure to check if every neural transmitter sat right- Look right. Look left. Close your eyes. Open them . Lights being flickered directly into his pupils. Nothing he hadn’t done before. It’s standard procedure to keep the Rangers in check, especially after a straining Kaiju mission which could still affect the brain easily if the Jaegers got handled wrong. Not a problem Chuck ever had. He was the best. And he intended things to stay this way.   


 

  
When the warm ups were done and the two nerds were constantly switching between several screen readings, adjusting pads at his head and chatting something to each other still in German (Bastards! You really don’t want us to listen in, ey?), Buffalo Springfield’s  _For What’s it Worth_ suddenly popped up in his head out of nowhere.    


Together with memories of his mum standing in the kitchen and singing along to it. 

  
They were baking cookies for his seventh birthday which Chuck ( _Charlie_ , she always loved to call him Charlie in fond moments) was supposed to bring along to school. Her voice wouldn’t make it into the radios but he loved it nevertheless. Loved listening to how much fun she had. Loved being infected by her joy.    


 

And suddenly she was gone and the brutal noise of in streaming water and failing machines clashed with his ears. He was back in Striker deep down in the Pacific Ocean. Stacker was with him, screaming commands over the horrible noises and Chuck was instinctively following. Soldier mode full on. He felt determined but also oddly peaceful when they put all the force they had left in them to hold this motherfucker of a Kaiju close enough to blow its ugly body apart together with them. 

This was it. 

His final moments on this planet. 

The show was over. 

All the fighting. 

All the shit he’s been through. 

  
He had wanted to live, yes, but so far away from everything with the goal so close, _so damn close_ , this was okay too. He would die for them. All of them. Also for Gipsy. Also for.... his dad. His old man’s voice came in over the speaker one last time. Seconds went by like hours. Chuck felt himself smirking. Death would be hopefully one hell of an adventure! A flash of glistening light and then there was only black.    


 

“Ha, so that’s how death feels. Interesting!” 

Chuck almost jumped out of his own skin. Newt, was hovering next to him in the dark void, scratching his own chin and looking sceptically around. 

  
“What the fuck, Doc?!” Chuck was in the drift.  _They_ were in the drift. How-? When-?! He hadn’t even noticed that he had been pulled in. How did the nerds do this?! Also, obviously targeting so precise one specific memory without digging into any other stuff (except his mum. Newt must have been there too, right?).    


  
“I see why Raleigh calls it a Black Hole. It is indeed black. Über black to be precise. Fascinating!” Chuck was too stunned to answer immediately. There were in the Black Hole right now? Really? But, shouldn’t then there be something else? Like,... uff, dunno. Just  _something_ .    


“And now?” He eventually asked and Newt grinned at him like a fat kid in a candy store. 

  
“Now we try exploring! Uh, this is so e xciting !”    


 

  
However, as soon as the nerd said that, something happened. Something started to sizzle around them, like the non - existen t atmosphere around them charged itself up. Noises, starting as a whisper, tuned louder. But there was nothing to identify, only weird hissing and rustling like from an old broken telly.    


Chuck looked around but saw no source of any kind. 

  
“Doctor?” , he asked, but in the next moment a horribly high and loud beep started to screech into their ears. Its resonance let his head feel like it would explode any moment if. He lost any breathe. Crouched together in himself.    


Fuck! What was this?! This shit has to stop! Now! Stop it! Stop! Stop! STOP!!

 

“CHUCK!” 

He opened his eyes and stared into Raleigh’s worry stricken face. His warm hands lay left and right on his face. 

“Breathe, fucker, breathe!” 

And Chuck did. He sucked in a deep rush of air and felt immediately how his body cried out in relief. How long had he been holding his breath already? God, his head hurt like he had been hit by a damn truck! 

“Newt, your ears are bleeding!” 

Chuck looked slowly from Raleigh to the scientist. Saw in his face the expression mirrored he felt within himself. Shock, irritation and complete loss of orientation. Newt was slowly lifting his hand to touch the side of his head, brought it back with red smeared all over his fingers. 

“Ha, I do.” 

A simple statement to something not really understandable. 

“Could you bring me a tissue please? Oh, and one for Chuck too. That would be lovely, thanks Hermann.”

Great. If this wasn’t a first big bang, what else? (Not a fail, don’t think fail. It’s not. It just went an unpleasant direction, which is ... actually not that different from Chuck’s experiences with many parts of his life)

“Jesus, dude, don’t give me such a heart attack.”, Raleigh’s hands slowly slipped away from Chuck’s face. “Are you back with us?” The glare came automatically but send immediate pain through his forehead and through the rest of his head. 

“What the hell was that now?” Raleigh asked incredulously. “Was that planned?” 

Hermann came quickly back with tissues, handed a few to Newt who seemed as unbothered by blood coming out of his ears as Chuck. He blindly cleaned himself with the given tissues, tossed Raleigh only more quick angry glares in between whenever he got this golden retriever helper look again. Fuck the extra portion of pain that was resulting from it. This experience was already worse enough as it was, no need to top it with false placed worry and pointing out Chucks helplessness in this all. 

  
“Let’s say, you were pretty right with that black hole. Your naming kept its promise! Couldn’t quite believe first that it was really just that. Completely fascinating! So simple in the concept but o nce you enter that box and BAMM! Unsolvable mega maze! Metaphorically, not literally, since it was everywhere black and all. It definitely has something to do with our Chuck here being dead and then coming back from the dead. That’s for sure, man I already had my theories but this is just -  _awesome_ !! – Though, geez, that is a preeeetty pissed of angry black hole I tell you and I really mean  _that hole_ being pissed off and not Chuck being pissed off I am poking at his mind, seriously just tickled it a little- just a little, Hermann, I think I may be right, I think I may be  _right_ and don’t you even  _start_ saying anything else-“  The rant slowly drifted back into German gibberish territory. Newt and Gottlieb started discussing with each other. Newt as always gesturing with all his body, ruining his white shirt with red spots, and Gottlieb waving the notes he took and the automatically printed readings of the machine in front of his head. He heared something about ›theories‹ and ›dimensions‹ and to his own frustration ›Kaiju‹ somewhere in their messy discussion.    


 

What exactly had happened there in his head, Chuck himself had no idea. So, it was good that the nerd had some. ...Right? It was the their task to know more than him about this kinda stuff. What wondered him more was how Newt had just like this slipped back to his old over eager exited self within mere seconds and presented Gottlieb with whatever data he has collected in this short time. 

Chuck didn’t even know what there was to collect! 

Except for stuff like: It was dark, then there was a weird noise and then my head felt like exploding. 

The end.

 

His head still throbbed from the experience and yeah, he even felt slightly nauseas but it was bearable. He had lived through worse. Much worse. Not as creepy maybe, but yeah. Worse.

The tissue was all soaked in red when he crumbled it between his tense fingers. Some blood had been on Raleigh’s hands too. He bet it freaked the shit outta the has-been when it happened. And, oh, look, Chuck almost felt like smiling about this. Would serve him right to get at least a bit of this shit cake too just for making Chuck do this in the first place.

  
“Am I aloud to ask if everything is alright?” Raleigh asked and Chuck is almost grateful the other didn’t ask for  _him being okay_ specifically. Still, he couldn’t help but click his tongue and shrugging careless with his shoulders. Oh, that was not a good move for his nauseas.    


“Why? Don’t we look peachy enough for you?” Something in his eyes itched on the edge to burning, but he kept his fingers from his face. No way would he give in any further to this shit. It hasn’t been exactly a picnic (Not that he had expected one), but it has paid off already somewhat, right? 

Newt was still shoving papers into Hermann’s face who answered equally determined and pointed with his cane over to his chalk boards and the monitors around the dentist chair. Their German made it impossible to understand what exactly they were saying but their passion was enough for Chuck to know they already poked into something. Something worth being poked at harder and deeper. Oh yeah, this’ll be one especially lovely evening. 

Raleigh pointedly ignored his bitter comment. “Pissed off Black Hole, I heard?” 

  
“I wouldn’t call it pissed. It’s a  _black hole_ not a person. Yeah, sure, it did ... something. Okay. But, I dunno, man. This is what the nerds are for, right? Ask them. I’m only the guinea pig here.”    


And this was actually the truth. 

Chuck had no plan and he was not up to play therapy group with Raleigh and tell him in detail what had happened. He’d probably see it sooner or later in the drift anyway, as nosy as he was about Chuck’s private corners (worse than his dad, really. The old man had more respect for his privacy, which said a lot. It’s a not a big secret that the drift was the only way they actually communicated with each other somewhat). But for now he was just the lab rat and what he started, Chuck always ended. Preferably with bravado. 

 

Man, this shit had really rattled something in him. His tummy felt like he had sat one round to much in the stress endurance simulator.

 

  
“Guys, I think we have already some really good data, and - damn would like to dive right back in there!! - but Hermann  _thinks_ we need to discuss this over first and give you a short break- Chuck, do you feel like vomiting? I hope not.” Chuck gave Newt the same grim smile he had given Raleigh. Maybe a bit more sarcastic.    


“I’m all good. Whenever you’re ready, doc.” 

This brought up an all too bright smile from Newt and his blood stricken eyes gleamed with childish joy. Still, Chuck would rather bite on his tongue than admit that he was rather glad about Gottlieb’s disruption and reminding Newt that he won’t let him go back before they put up a decent plan for the next encounter.

 

  
Minute after minute passed with the machines still calmly humming along to his heart beat and brain waves, German gibberish, scratching of chalk on boards, Newt in between very squeaky and over e c xited voice and the stretching silence between Raleigh and him.    


  
The hand hadn’t gone back to his knee. Chuck hated that he wasn’t sure if he approved of this or found it rather displeasing. At least the break really helped his system to come down from the bum p y ride and get back to a nauseas free and almost relaxed state.    


He thought back to the memory of his mum. He had stopped wondering how his life would be if she’d be still around. If they had all made it out back then. There was no point in those speculations. But sometimes he liked to think of her not with regret and grief and all the damn stubborn anger towards his old man, but just as an old source of comfort. 

A luxury from a time before the Kaiju. 

K-Day had changed the rules of everything. 

And Chuck’s come back had changed them again. 

At least for him. 

The process was not finished yet, but he could feel the same effects already. The knowledge that nothing would be anymore like it used to be and he had to adapt. If he wanted to or not.

Chucks eyes wandered from his own boots up to Raleigh. There was no question that he wouldn’t stare at him the whole time because that seemed to be his new hobby. 

“Don’t tell my old man.” Short but enough. Raleigh would know what it all implied. That old guy had enough shit to handle himself and they weren’t co-pilots anymore. No reason to drag him into this additionally. 

 

  
“Alriiiight, how’s it looking , Chuckie boy? Ready for round two?”    


The break was faster over than expected. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. The sooner it’s over the better. Chuck nodded with a dark smirk on his face. “I was born ready.” 

  
“That’s the spirit! Hermann, hand me the drift devi c e please. Oh, and maybe get already some more tissues?”   


  
“Whoa, wait a second  t here!” Raleigh got up, put his hand down over the control unit of the machine who will initiate - whatever this actually was. Newt let out an exasperated sigh as if the damn half an hour was already enough time wasted. “What’s the plan now? Seriously, Newt, Chuck’s not one of your precious  _dead_ Kaiju parts! If you fuck up, he’s-! You just wanna dive right back in and - what? See from what body parts you two are gonna bleed next?”    


“Jeez, Raleigh, buddy, c’mon, sit down!” Newt awkwardly put his hands against Raleigh’s chest, pushed him back towards his stool. 

The only thing that kept Chuck from jumping right off the chair and punch Raleigh into his stupid worry stricken face were all the damn wires and patches all over his body. He would rip the whole machineries with him, maybe break something and he was really not up to wait till that was fixed again. Or having the nerds rant into his ear about the value of whatever those machines names were. 

“Shut the fuck up Becket and sit back down on your washed up arse!” Chuck snarled instead into the other Rangers direction. 

  
Who did he thought he was?! If Chuck wouldn’t be ready, he would say so! Or, okay, he won’t. But only because he had endured far worse and far scarier things in his life- He most certainly won’t sissy out of some stupid tests he did while  _laying on a chair_ ! Raleigh of all people should know that, like the Aussie knew with certainty that the other won’t stop halfway down the road either.    


 

  
“Seriously, nothing really harmful can happen here. Maybe some more blood from the ears, no threatening amounts, nose bleeds, another popped vessel - a headache, some throwing up might be involved, I dearly hope not because that would just be a mess - but we need to poke that thing just a little more. Just to be sure and I promise, afterwards I’ll tell you what’s going on. Just lemme do this, okay?  _Let me do this!_ Chuck said he’s born ready, and he is, c’mon!”   


Gottlieb threw Newt a sceptical look, before sighing with the burden of having to work with this guy every day and rolling his eyes. Surprising his face didn’t already get stuck like that. 

“I have to agree, Mr. Becket, the consequences are far smaller compared to the information we could gain through this method. This all has just looked far more dramatic than it really was. And after all, you were the one coming to us with this.”

  
Chuck felt a bit stupid that the backup of the nerds actually calmed Raleigh down and forced him back into his own seat, rather than Chuck’s command to do so. Tsk. Stubborn like a mule once his hero sense s had been tickled. But the stage seemed now to be finally cleared for the second act. The machines started to beep again, monitoring their individual tasks and responsibility. Gottlieb leaned heavy on his cane when he double checked the sensors, looked Chuck and Newt over , too. Everything was good to go. C’mon. Start! He had other things in life to do than sitting around here. (not that his rising nervousness had anything to do with his pushiness)   


  
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I’ll let you do whatever you need to do. It’s not my place…” But there Gottlieb cut Raleigh off. He turned back to the American who mercifully looked everywhere but at Chuck. “No, it’s perfectly understandable, of course, with the fresh partnership and everything.” What the bloody hell was  _that_ supposed to mean?! Gottlieb made it sound like they were a freshly married couple or some shit like that!    


He was not a goddamn fragile flower that needed protection and Raleigh was sure as hell not his knight in shining armour! This really needed to stop. Just because they were drifting didn’t mean they suddenly became best buddies and what not else. Chuck didn’t apply for the Jaeger program to find his damn soulmate. Nor did he agree to get back into the game to get all touchy feeling with the has-been. So could we now please cut the crap and get over with this mental rollercoaster? He really just wanted to go back to his bunk. 

 

“Just, give us answers. That’s what we came here for?” 

  
Oh, is that so? That was new to Chuck. In his book they came here because  _Raleigh_ wanted answers. Not him. He was perfectly fine how it was so far. He never asked to open his head up to all kinds of people and let them poke around in it and wonder and eventually look at him like he’s even more a freak of nature than his miraculous coming back already hypothesized.    


 

“Enough chit chatting! Newt, start the damn thing- now! Or I swear to god, I’ll-!”

A flash of blue was blinding him for a second. 

 

He was suddenly seeing himself sitting at Lucky Seven’s right foot. 

  
Max was sitting between his legs while he cra d dled him and scratched him behind the ear. Uncle Scott was there too, flashing smiles at a female mechanic of the old Lucky Seven crew. Talking something about his last mission at the Australian coast, how it felt to be in Lucky, how it felt to kill that Kaiju. Chuck remembered her. Remembered how she had looked at his uncle, like so many other women, and how Scott had flashed her his best toothpaste grin and straightened his shoulders this bit more to look more like the glorious world safer he thought he was.    


  
Chuck could feel himself parallel to his younger self tighten up, noticed how his grip around Max got harder. Back then he had itched to finally have a go in the battle field , too. Do ultimately what he was training for over the last three years. Only that he neither had a partner by then nor a free and waiting Jaeger. The woman was smiling back at Scott, laughing, too easily flustered and eager to replay to his uncles flirting. Scott was leaning into her when Chuck’s old man appeared, grim faced and anything but happy. He started to grunt something at Scott about a missed session when the world went dark again.   


 

“Aaaand we are back. Sweet! Wasn’t quite sure we really would manage.” Newt cheered happily next to him, hovering in the empty room like he never did anything else in his life. Chuck just looked at him, blinked. 

  
“You weren’t  _quite sure_ ?”    


  
“Well, you know how it is. T rial and error and all that. But your black hole here has a pretty big gravity- Sucked us in right back into it! Very neat!”    


  
No, that was  _not neat_ , like, at all! Weird, yes. Slowly working its level up to terrifying, sure. But neat?  _No-way._   


“And now, doc?” Chuck grits out between clenched teeth, letting his eyes roaming wary about their indifferent environment. 

“Now I want you to think very hard about the last moment before you, well, blew up.” 

  
Last time it had took this  _whatever it was_ not much more than now to start its anti movement. Or defend mechanism. Whatever. Either way it had pushed them out in a pretty ugly and painful way. He felt tense and his senses were involuntary sharpened for fight or flight.    


  
“Charming.” He replied into Newt ' s eager looking face.    


The doc made a dismissive gesture, before he hovered forward somewhat and made a point of looking around. 

“Last time we landed here because you thought about your death when we drifted. This time I wanna see what it does when you’re already in the dead zone.” 

That actually sounded like an awful plan. Even he could see that. But what else could he do, really? He was no scientist, had nothing as counter proposal to offer. 

 

  
Newt stared at him expectantly for a few more seconds, had  _C’mon dude~!_ written all over his face. This only made Chuck sigh. For the second time today he actually wanted Raleigh back at his side and doing his annoying life guard shit, which in itself was awful and unacceptable.    


So, okay. Here we go. Take a deep breath. In and out. Good. Close your eyes. Now think. Remember the leaks in Strikers shell, the smell of salt and algae’s, of worn out metal and sweat. Pentacoste’s voice in his ears. His dad. The damn Kaiju coming back at them. The noise of the up flaring nucleus. The last breath he took before incredible heat hit him. And for a moment everything was light and then... 

He had been in the ocean. 

Washed up at the Hokkaido shore and-... 

No. That’s not it. Back to the light. The heat. The incredible power. The push he had felt. And then the pull from somewhere else. 

“Chuck!” 

The Aussie snapped his eyes open, looked at Newt who was looking at something over his head. He turned, but what he saw made him stumble backwards. Or, floating backwards. 

There were lights, lights that gave no light off. Didn’t illuminate the darkness one bit, but kept it all tightly and close together. They looked a bit foggy, like through a dirty, old window. But when Chuck squinted he thought he could make out forms. Forms that reminded him instantly of 

“The Breach!” Newt gasped. 

  
But this was the moment when  _it_ was back- the horrible rising tone that went through every fibre of their beings and forced them back down to their knees. Chuck bit hard enough on the inside of his cheeks and lower lip to taste blood. He couldn’t move anymore. His body was cramped up in itself, pain shooting through their cells like tidal waves. Shit, shit, shit! His head was about to fucking explode! A second blackness settled slowly over him. Out! He wanted out! Now! He needed air! He needed- .....   


The silence had him back.

Darkness.

Numbness.

Oblivion.

But then...

Chuck gasped, if brutally sucking in air can be called gasping. Yet all that reached his lunges was metallic tasting liquid. He spit and coughed, tried to suck in more air in instinctive desperation. His chest hurt from the inside and outside, like someone had given it several good punches. His muscles were cramped up like he had just jumped into a frozen lake. His head was throbbing so hard that he could barely see through the pain. And the tears. 

Chuck knew this. 

  
This whole  _thing_ .   


  
Had felt scarily similar when he came to his senses at the Hokkaido shore. Confused Japanese fisher s standing over him and talking in excitement things he couldn’t understand. Just now, in this very moment of awaking, he would argue that he actually felt worse. Worn out, run over, sucked out and filled with liquid fire, nails and a sledge hammer.    


 

  
He stared into the nothingness, tried to get his senses back working and his revolting body under some control. More coughing. Blood landed all over his jeans and shirt. Then he heard  _it_ , and his blurry, shivery being snapped back into a weak focus. His view only slowly got better, too affected by his aching head and this layer of tears he seemingly couldn’t get rid of so easily.    


  
But this was almost okay when he heard the all too familiar voice in a never heard way- Raleigh was  _laughing_ .    


Loud. Hard. Somewhat edgy, like at the brim to hysteria. 

Only then Chuck registered movement at his chest. Fingers. Still resting there and slightly trembling from their badly shaking owner. Chuck just stared blankly in the direction of the laughs source. Was too weak for any replay and just took in the blurry lines of the American. 

 

  
Till he couldn’t hold himself up anymore and fell back against the chair. A groan left his burning mouth from this painful movement. His tongue ran weekly along his cheeks; the flesh felt rare and open.  _Must have given it a good bite_ , he thought, when Raleigh’s laugh slowly faded.    


“Hansen, you are the worst drama queen. Holy fuck, you are the worst.” 

Was he? Chuck had no idea what happened this time. He remembered seeing the breach and then the former terror and pain were back. And then... nothing. Ha. 

 

  
Chuck felt something in him cramped up some more when the little chuckles of the other died , too. He had never heard them before. Not directed at him anyway. Just back then, years ago, in the telly, when it had been still the Golden Age and Chuck wasn’t a Ranger yet and he was still unmistakabl y alive.    


 

  
When Raleigh suddenly leaned into him, put their foreheads together, Chuck lost his breath all over again. He stared up into those far too close baby  blues and couldn’t move for the love of god. Just felt the sudden warm contact with his skin, the breath against his lips, a nose almost brushing over his. “Giving an old man a heart attack like that.”    


Chuck couldn’t help it. Wanted to mirror the stupid, warm grin of the other. But his body wouldn’t let him. His face was as exhausted and cramped as the rest of his body. So he just stayed there, perfectly still and slowly breathing the other in. It was so alluring to just let go and be just this little lost in the moment. In the feeling. In Raleigh. Feeling the others relieve washing over his own pain and soothing him in a way he had never known existed. 

 

  
Only when Raleigh broke the contact Chuck slowly glided back into reality. His skin burned this little bit more where the hand had  rested on his chest.    


  
He followed the other ' s look to the nerds, both sitting at the ground, Hermann leaned over the tiny form of Newt. Tissues were already popped into Newts nose though there were still far too many red splatters all over his clothes. Fuck, he looked awful. If Chuck looked only half as shitty at that little guy, well, yeah. Fuck. Thanks.    


 

“That was... something.” Newt started, trying to smile but failed miserably. “I think, we’ve enough data for today.” 

Gottlieb got up, leaning heavily onto his cane and dragged Newt up with him. 

“We indeed do. The second drift got us even more data than the first. I am certain there will be some first explanatory material within it. Though it will take us a bit to go through all of it. Furthermore, we need to compare Doctor Geißler’s experience while he drifted with Ranger Hansen with the results of the sensors.” 

Chuck didn’t say anything to this. Just continued to look. It was over. At least for the moment. Good. He doubted he had the strength for another of those hell trips left in him.

Newt was wobbly on his legs and sank straight back into the chair he had fallen off as soon as Gottlieb had pulled him onto his feet. It gave him some grim satisfaction that he wasn’t the only one suffering through this. The good doctor looked actually even more nauseas than him in this round. 

 

“We should have some first results within the next days. Till then I am afraid you will have to wait Mr.Becket.” 

This addressing over his head towards the American made Chuck feel like a minor again. Great. He had enough of this for today and the whole rest of the week. If not even the month. Without losing a word, Chuck slowly rolled to his side, clenched his jaw together to keep the pained groans inside him. 

  
“Careful there , Chuck. Maybe you should lay some more and-“ Newt started but Chuck just snapped a short breathed “No.” at him.   


He pushed himself up and let his feet fall over the edge of the chair and onto the ground. The world spun hard around him. His sense of motion was pretty messed up and, oh yeah, here came a new wave of nausea. Alright, he probably was worse than Newt after all. But he didn’t care. Didn’t care if he would throw up a few times on his way. Somebody would clean it up, sooner or later. Chuck just wanted to go. He wanted to be back in his bunk and curl up under his covers and fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep of exhaustion. This hadn’t been exactly a walk in the park.

 

Somewhere in the mess that his head currently was he registered with surprise that Raleigh merely sighed but made space for him to move. His eyes were fixed on him but hands were not yet touching. (Although they hovered near his body like he was a ninety five year old that suddenly decided to leave his wheelchair for a change.) Chuck stumbled onto his feet, shaking a bit but he had it under control. He could do this. It wasn’t this far. 

“Mo-Wait! Hey! Where d’you going?” Newt rambled, too weak himself to follow. 

“Bed.” Was all he replied and continued his unsteady walk.

“Take care of yourself, buddy.” He heard Raleigh saying. Newt was giving him exhausted kudos from his chair, feeling apparently good enough to grin at the ›buddy‹. Idiot.

“I’ll get you to your room. You look like shit.”

Well, thank you, fucker. That’s too kind of you. Of course that human version of a damn golden retriever had the need to follow him. Of-fucking-course. It would’ve have been too easy to just fuck off alone. Fine. Whatever. Chuck wasn’t in the mood to brush him off or protest. His main focus lay at coordinating his wobbly body out of this fucking lab and back to his room. It felt similar to the time he had been electrocuted while he had helped fixing something at Strikers heart. 

And if you then put the paralyzing, foreign feeling from being washed up at Hokkaido on top you kinda have how Chuck currently felt. Hopefully there were still some painkillers in his drawer. The throbbing in his head would make it otherwise pretty difficult to fall into the blissful sleep of the righteous. 

 

The way Raleigh kept walking behind and around him, pushing things aside that –god forbid- he might bump into a little bit because yeah, his legs were maybe a bit more pudding than muscles right now, made Chuck clench his teeth after all. He changed his mind. Raleigh was just too annoying to ignore. What was that supposed to be? Chuck was no damn invalid and could he please stop that? Jesus Christ! On top he could feel the nerds eyes glued to his back too, watching him either because of what happened or because of how stupid he and Raleigh must look. Or both. Probably both. Fuck his life.

 

  
As soon as he pushed the lab door open and entered the hallway, the American was right there , too. At his back. Like a goddamn creepy shadow.    


“Fuck, go away, asshole!” He finally snapped but Raleigh looked completely unimpressed. 

“Fuck you, be happy I don’t drag your ass to the meds.” 

Oh no, he is not going this way, this arrogant, useless prick. Chuck threw him the most pissed off glare he could manage with the pain striking immediately through his head due to the hard muscle-contraction in his face. 

  
“Yeah, because you dragging me somewhere turned out so well!” Maybe he bared his teeth a little bit. The last thing he would be up for now is going to some other people who wanna check him over. Socializing times were over for today. The guinea pig ones , too. No more.    


 

Chuck slowly continued his way along the halls, stopped now and then to press fingers against his temple or the base of his nose. His vision still got blurry here and there, but that was only because of the damn headache. Reminded him a fucking lot of the times when he used to get migraine’s as a teen. Damn hormones had fucked up his head back then pretty good. Not just in the usual way. (In the way that now had come back to bite him in the ass)

Halfway to his room Chuck stumbled slightly, had had his eyes a second to long closed to notice the weld seam on the ground and got with his right food against it. Sometimes these Domes felt like you were in a freaking submarine. Raleigh was instantly from the good meter behind him right next to him. Hands up in that stupid >ready to catch you< gesture. Out of an over bubbling impulse Chuck pushed against those far too filigree hands, pushed the American through this unexpected motion at least this tiny bit back. 

  
His protective layers were rubbed thin. He wasn’t up to handle any more of this- this... caring bullshit. He was a goddamn ranger! He didn’t need to be mollycoddled. Hadn’t been since he had been still in fucking elementary school anyway! If not even his  _dad_ would be so exhaustingly worried, why would Raleigh be? Chuck cold handle war and death, he cannot handle this wishy-washy bullshit.    


  
“Fuck Becket, I might miss my mum but stop behaving like her!  _I don’t need you!_ Seriously, you drive me crazy! Just go-away!”    


Yeah, okay, this was supposed to come out different. Less like a crazy, wounded teen and more like the soldier he was supposed to be. Well. Too late. Whatever. Chuck simply turned back around and continued to walk.

  
Taken the current expression of the American ' s face, Chuck thought his little outbreak must have been as surprising to the other as it was for him. It was just not a thing. Chuck simply never mentioned his mum because it’s no one’s business but his. He kept her memories vehemently guarded, even within the drift, refused to talk about her to every shrink they’ve thrown so far into his face and sure as hell he was not up to go through this shit with Raleigh. Her death defined a lot of the man he was now, Chuck knew that. It also kept influencing the relationship to his old man. That was all clear and undeniable. Chuck was no idiot. Yet, he couldn’t shake of the feeling that talking about her,  _solving the issues around her death_ like the shrinks like to say, would kill her for good. Letting go of the pain and the anger meant letting go of her being killed and ripped out of his life. Chuck didn’t wanted to forget and go on without her. She didn’t deserve that.   


  
“You can fret and complain all you want, Chuck, that won’t change that I  _care_ and want you to get safely to your room and not drop somewhere and spent the night passed out in the hallway! I mean, man, just look at you- You look like shit. Like a Kaiju kicked your stubborn, jerky butt.  _Literally_ . It’s not about coddling you, asshole. It’s just precaution.” Raleigh sighed heavily, but all this little speech did to Chuck was clamping his fists even tighter. Jesus fucking Christ! The American made it sound like Chuck would faint any moment like a goddamn maiden in distress and would never reach safely his room by his own. Chuck had been through worse, much worse. And he had  _always_ been alone. He can handle whatever life throws at him! This hero attitude of the other might have done it for him when he was still sixteen, but by now it only pissed him off. They are soldiers for god’s sake and no comic action figures. Even though the PR department of the PPDC was all over Raleigh and his sunshine grin. Perfect poster boy for their new campaign.    


Chucks hands cramped up to fists while he continued to walk along and being followed by this damn American. It took a lot of him to not throw himself into an earnest fight with the other. But he was not stupid. In his current situation he would be on the ground in mere seconds. So instead he groans with annoyance and anger. 

“Oh my god- Stop talking like a shrink! What’s wrong with you?” 

What has a man to do around here to have some privacy and alone time? If he had known that having Raleigh as new co-pilot would be such a nerve-straining experience, Chuck would have thought twice about combating with him. Taking one for the world slowly became quite literally. He absolutely hated that.

  
And there he was again, of course. Walking right next to him after  he had told him off  and o nce again Raleigh didn’t give a fuck about it. Chuck started to really appreciate what relationship his old man and he had; Fucked up maybe but a lot quieter considering their respective issues. The sudden hand at his shoulder was unexpected and send new shocks through his body.    


His first instinct was to punch that idiot in his stupid sad-puppy-face. His second instinct was to go slack from the contact. The pull of the drift was there, even after Newt had been muckraked in his head. The involuntary comfort spread out from his shoulder along his heated skin. 

“Listen, I am sorry. I didn’t know what Newt would do and if I had known - I don’t know what you saw - I would have thought twice about it.” 

Chuck gave a bitter, short laugh but kept his stare hard and straight ahead. 

“How kind of you. I can barely keep the joy in.” 

Maybe his step has gotten a little bit faster, never mind the welling up new wave of nausea. But his room was just around the next corner and he could almost feel the mercy of his bed. Chuck started fumbling for his keys in his trouser pockets. They felt oddly heavy within his grip. 

“Look, I really don’t give a fuck, Rah-leigh. It’s not about Newt or the stuff in my head- shit happens! Whatever!” And there it was, his beautiful old rusty door. The literal barrier he could put between Raleigh and him. His eyes still averted the other. He had enough of his puppy face for today. A man can only cope with so much within twenty four hours. 

“But I cannot have you around me like this! Get a fucking grip about whatever feedback loop lust you developed there and back the fuck off!” 

  
They jockeyed together, that’s it. He was neither his buddy nor his dad or mum or, fuck his life, his lover. Chuck didn’t need any of this. He just wanted to pilot again and do what he could do best- Kill Kaiju. If that involves some shitty experiments and blood, fine. That was cool. He could live with that. But he never signed up for pseudo therapy session with  _Doctor Becket_ or his constant intrusion into his privacy. Wasn’t age supposed to make you calmer and wiser? Tsk. So much for that.   


The flashing up anger was expected.

  
The clenching of his jaw, the thinning of his lips and the intensifying killer glare , too.   


Chuck had even expected he might end up with a fist in his face on top which really wouldn’t had made such a difference with all the other pain that his head currently endured.

  
What  _wasn’t_ expected though was the sudden pulling at his shirt, his damn dog tags. The metal was digging into his skin, making it slightly harder to breath, but who gave a shit?  _This_ , right there and then, was a reason why Chuck couldn’t find his peace with this newly found crusade of the other- He was  _just_ telling him to back the fuck off and what did this idiot of an American do?    


  
He went into attack mode,  _again_ !    


Green-blue met baby blue for a second and Chuck was already clenching his own jaw, ready to spit some backfire into the others face. Just that he never had the chance to do so.

  
The sudden pair of lips on his, hard and u nwavering in their task, made his knees almost buckle from the i nstant rush of adrenalin and heat. This was anything but the right moment for this. His system felt immediately overloaded and bursting with this unwanted and yet so damn impacting sensation. Chuck ' s hand s instinctively snapped up, but before he could touch the other he clenched them to fists. Dug his nails deep into his palms. Yet the upwelling soft groan couldn’t be so easily avoided. He wanted to punch himself for being so damn weak, every-fucking-time!, this asshole decided to invade his private space. Was there really no bit left in his mind that had a bit more willpower and wasn’t infected by his teeny-self that was obviously still hung up on this wash-up wanna be?    


 

When the kiss turned softer and Raleigh eventually withdrew, Chuck almost followed him. But stopped himself just in time. No way. He had already allowed enough again and his body was anything but grateful for it. The throbbing behind his forehead just got worse and made his eyes almost tear from the intense pain.

  
“I know that you took the bond you had with your father for granted and never knew anything else- but this is not how this works!  _I am not your father_ . I am your goddamn co-pilot now, Chuck. I won’t fuck off. And I won’t have you act like a stubborn, spoiled  _child_ .”    


Chuck blinked. Unable to do anything but staring through his blurry view into the others disgruntled face. It was obvious what the hand at his neck checked, but not even a narcotic could have calmed him own enough in this situation. Chuck was stunned and all the way up the rollercoaster at the same time. 

  
“That feedback loop starts with  _you_ wanting  _me_ , Hansen. Doesn’t mean I cannot decide for myself still.”    


 

The shove back got him at least out of the main shock, but he was still too puzzled to retort anything at all. Somehow Raleigh had hit something he hadn’t even thought that it was such a sore spot of his. Well, quite obviously he had been wrong because he could feel the verbal punch deep within his guts. It made him feel simultaneously relieved and lost when Raleigh turned and left him standing there in front of his door. 

 

So that old man thought he behaved like a child, yeah? Well, fuck him! The last time Chuck had been a child was before a fucking Kaiju had run over Sydney and that’s been quite some time ago. Since then Chuck did what was necessary to stay on the path and keep his eyes on the goal. 

  
If that pissed some people off on the left and right of his way, whatever. Not his problem. He had proven often enough that he didn’t need them contrary to them needing  _him_ . With his dad it had been different though. Would  _always_ be different. And Raleigh-.... That fucker was the first besides his dad that really got under his skin. Messed up his compass over and over again.    


 

  
When it was  _Raleigh’s_ damn decision to act after Chuck’s old, but freshly dug up want, then why the hell did he do it? Why not leaving sleeping dogs l ie ? Why being so stubborn to intrude his life when it was obvious that Chuck was not comfortable with it? They didn’t need this shit to pilot their new Jaeger. They were similar enough to function perfect as team. No need for more. It hadn’t helped Tendo’s Ex and her lover boy nor the Russians when they got ripped apart and sunk in the pacific.   


 

Chuck slid through his room like a ghost, crawled directly under his covers. His shoes got kicked off before he completely vanished under the duvet but fuck the rest of his clothes. His muscles sighed in relieve, but the new position made him more nauseas then before. Well, at least this distracted him somewhat from the painful lump within his throat. 

This had been some shit ass evening.

 


	4. Tidal Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter took me longer than expected and I apologize for the massive delay. Life happened and it didn't let me write that much...
> 
> Anyway- here is finally chapter for and it's going down deeper the rabbit hole for Chuck. Some angsty stuff and slight trigger warning, I think.
> 
> Thanks to my lovely and quick beta Grave once again!! <3

 

 

Since the lab session, the atmosphere between them had been quite frozen. Not yet at absolute zero, but pretty damn close. At least from Chuck's side.

After they had been at Newt's and Gottlieb’s, it was even more difficult to sleep a night through. Whatever they had poked there in his head was now about to wake up fully and it was anything but a pleasant experience. When Chuck was awake he usually had headaches, sometimes okay enough to let them pucker underneath his skull, sometimes worse enough to sneak away painkillers from the med bay. He didn’t want anybody to know about his... condition. It was already hard enough for him to re-establish himself as it was. He didn’t need his dad freaking out all over again. Didn’t need Mako to take him away from the program. Didn’t need Raleigh to look at him with his guilt tripped puppy eyes. 

The more frequent his nightmares got, the more difficult it was to find any sleep afterwards again. He couldn’t even really begin to describe what he was dreaming about, because he still had a hard time to remember any concrete details. The only thing that stuck with him every time was the cramping and burning pain that felt like something was eating his body up from the inside out. Like he disintegrated on himself. Falling apart into all those billions and billions of molecules he was made of and the only thing that kept him together and in this world was his mere horror about what he had seen and lost all over again in his dreams. 

People wanted him to remember ever since they had picked him up from the Hokkaido shore. Anything at all, they said. Didn’t matter how tiny the detail might be. But how the fuck could he? By now Chuck was sure that his incapability of remembering was his subconscious reluctance to give in to whatever it was that slumbered in his head and simple self preservation.

He didn’t want to remember. At all. Nobody knew what it would do to him if he actually did. But Chuck had the horrible feeling that being blown up by an atomic explosion was a picnic in the park compared to this. What if he couldn’t fight anymore when he remembered what happened? What if he refused? What if he just died? ( _again_ )

Whatever had happened with him in those missing days at the bottom of the ocean, he’d rather that it stayed in the dark. Far, far awayand letting his subconscious burry it bit by bit over the coming years. 

 

Days into his new nightmare routine, Chuck had came to the conclusion that it was pointless to stay in bed, soaked in cold sweat and bargain with himself to dare or to refuse to fall back asleep. To be precise, he actually didn’t even try to sleep every single night anymore. He skipped one or two before exhaustion demanded its tribute. Then he would crash for three to four hours if he was lucky, wake up in pain and sometimes screaming again, get up, take a shower and go out for a round with Max. Together they would walk around the Dome, along the beach, sometimes even as far as into Hong Kong Centre or Bone City. It depended on how hunted Chuck felt for the night. 

Before the collapse of the breach, before his death, whenever he had trouble sleeping he’d usually go into the training Kwoons or the gym. Exercise till he got tired enough to go back to sleep. He had tried it this time again too but no matter how long and hard he punched into things, lifted iron or trained with the staff, the restless feeling in him wouldn’t calm down.

Walking helped though. (He didn’t want to think of it as running away but it probably was in a way.)

The only problem with this new routine was that Raleigh was insomniac, too. Ever since he lost Yancy to Knifehead. 

Sometimes they would meet each other involuntary at night in the halls of the Dome. Each of them on their respective path to find some peace of mind.

The first time they had met, it had been a particularly bad dream and Chuck knew he looked like he had been chewed up, spit out again and rolled over by a truck afterwards. Raleigh had looked at him when they spotted each other in the hallway. His eyes had gone from simple surprise and wonder to confusion, sorry and just-not-understanding in the split of a second. It had been written so clearly all over his pretty hooker face;  _Lemme help you man_. 

There was just nothing he could help him with and Chuck also didn’t want him to. Raleigh had already done enough to him, thank you very much. 

So they passed each other in silence whenever they met, stubborn eyes meeting worried ones. But to his credit, the American seemed to keep his mouth shut about this new development of Chuck. Good. 

 

When Chuck talked with the nerds the first time days after they collected all that data, they seemed awfully busy and kinda confused but oddly excited, too. They had theories they said. Things they are still working on, testing their possibility through formulas and some other experiments.

They said they were willing to guide Chuck through their test runs if he liked to, but Chuck declined. He’d rather have the full version when they are done and sure.  For all he got so far from letting his eyes roam over Gottlieb’s beloved chalk boards and some spread out papers and sketches from Newt, they’re back at analysing the breach and its origins. What was it made of and what it was capable to do. Considering what Newt and he had seen in Chucks mind it seemed only logical.

They promised him to comm him the moment they have something concrete and solid to present him with. Maybe even also a solution to get rid of the Black Hole. Who knew. They’d see.

 

Despite the new additions to the shit pile that was his life 2.0, Chuck still dutifully met all the demands the PPDC had towards him. He trained regularly with Raleigh in the Kwoon and went with him to the simulation session (if so mostly in uncharacteristically silence), he went to the techs to fit his suit over and over, he helped their combined Jaeger crew to put together their new baby, hell, he even sat together with his old man and Mako to put together first shitty reports about their development for the press. Their first big interview as new shining Jaeger team was close and he already dreaded it. Even as closed off as they were in the Shatter Dome he noticed how the media was lurking around them and already promoting and broadcasting all kind of speculations and sneaky pictures and theories about the next generation of Jaeger and their Rangers. 

Didn’t they have anything better to do? Like, helping people to prepare accurately for the next war? Help them to get over the first one? Or, hell, even distract them with something completely different? All that hype around them was what almost broke the PPDC’s neck the last time. And only because they won the last battle didn’t mean they had a free pass now for the next. 

 

The biggest irony of the last days and weeks was that Chucks increasing silence while fulfilling his tasks, brought his old man nearer to him than he was since Sydney’s destructions. It was hard to tell why this happened. Maybe it was still the thing of Chuck being not dead. Or maybe because Chuck was calmer ( _exhausted_ was the better word, really). Or maybe just because Chuck was too tired to comment on Raleigh’s fails as often as before. Or even the stupidity of those around him. 

It was... odd, to say the least. Also weirdly... nice? No, nice was not the right word. But somehow... relaxing in a catching up way. His old man was busy enough with his assignments as Marshall yet still he found more and more often time to drop by at wherever Chuck was and exchange some little, none insulting and only slightly awkward sentences with him. It was almost as if they were piloting together again. Just less wired. And with honest effort to, well,... talk.

 

So, when after one lunch break Chuck suddenly found himself in front of the new office door of his old man, Chuck was barely surprised by that time anymore. Their old, but never quite vanishing pull brought him here. This and that new slowly growing  _thing_ between them. 

He wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted here but now he was there. Max sat patiently next to him, waited for him to decide if he wanted to knock or silently go away again. He could tell that he missed Herc since the three of them weren‘t as much together anymore after he came back to Hong Kong and his old man got promoted to Marshall. But Max and he were best buddies, so Chuck would always come first on Max’ priority list for cuddles and pats and hang outs. 

In the end Chuck’s insecurity and uncertainty got cancelled out when his dad was suddenly right in front of him. Probably on his way to some meeting or whatever stuff he’s up to nowadays. They had stared at each other for quite some time before Herc had invited him in with a silent gesture. Chuck had merely shrugged but didn’t move away from his spot either. Max was eagerly pushing his head against Herc’s leg, greeting him and demanding a pat, which of course, he got. 

Chuck watched them. Old familiarity streamed through him, made him feel more steady than he had felt in quite some time. Hard to admit but he missed this. Their little non verbal group. All that was important could be transported through single looks or a touch. Nothing more needed. No forced conversations (Chuck didn’t count his dads random approaches at him, cause this was something different, okay?) and stubborn jerks who wanna do the feel talk and were constantly so awfully  _worried_  although he had enough on his own plate to eat and digest first. 

 

 _You alright, son?_  His old man had eventually asked him from the ground, still scratching Max behind his ear. The  _Yeah._  was already at the tip of his tongue but what actually came out was a passive  _Dunno._  He still needed to get used to his dad being more accessible than before. Caring more than before. But it was... good. Yeah. Chuck missed their non verbal thing, but he was also kinda okay with the slowly growing talking thing. At least far more okay than with what Raleigh tried to force onto him.

Chucks indifferent answer made his old man look up to him, studying his neutral face. Chuck knew he had rings under his eyes all the way down to his jaw line and there was probably some red in eyes, too. Sometimes the nightmares were straining enough to pop a vessel or two in his eyes. So far he could always explain it away with training sessions.

 _Becket?_  Herc had simply asked and despite Chuck giving him again no real answer he noticed how his father’s lips went thin and his eyes got this little bit more stern. It was stupid and childish and totally unnecessary, but Chuck felt oddly satisfied and almost comforted by the knowledge that contrary to before, his dad seemed to be on his side for once. Even without knowing any actual stories or details. 

 

That afternoon was the first of more to come they shared together in Herc’s office with almost something that could be declared as casual conversation and some catch up (he didn’t mention the lab session or the nightmares though. That would go into a whole different level of talk he wasn‘t ready for yet). 

Through this they simply were… together. Not just sometimes in the mess hall to eat but like they used to. And then again not, because, yeah, they talked. With big interruptions and gaps of silence and staring at anything but each other or patting Max but it still made Chuck feel…. better. 

They never quite came back to the non-conversations they head before he and Stacker went out for their suicide mission though. There still was this ...  _pull_  between. It wasn’t like when they were still jockeying together but more… blood tied? 

Chuck had never told this to anyone and his desperation about it had died with Stacker in the Pacific, but piloting Striker into her last battle with the knowledge of very likely not coming back and not even having his co-pilot, his  _dad_ , by his side had been quite-…. Yeah. It hasn’t been right. 

And now there was Raleigh and Herc and Chuck would never jockey again. Only Chuck would go back into the field while his old man would be in the LOCCENT and this was their new reality now. Odd how he still couldn’t fit this completely into his head.

 

Following this first afternoon Herc started to ask him more questions about Raleigh and  _How’s it going with you two_  and  _Your readings are pretty good, son_  and  _First test in the Conn-Pod in a few days. Miss Mori and Raleigh are kicking the tech’s arses to make everything perfect for the trip_  and the worst of course  _Could you lend Raleigh a hand? Dr. Ahlgren approached me about his ... difficulties._

Every time someone,  _especially his dad!_ , mentioned Raleigh to him and how they work together or should work together, he felt something inside him clench and cramp. 

Chuck knew he couldn’t avoid the other and this  _thing_  between them forever but he wanted to delay the unavoidable as long as possible. Just stretch it into the future for some more days. He felt already exhausted and fucked. No need to eagerly jump into more of that. 

 

 

    The first time Chuck didn’t just go completely with the program and kept otherwise his careful distance was the day their suits got finalized. 

It had taken them awhile to get finished since they had used the new financial aid to get their hands on better and more advanced materials. More Kevlar, more titanium, more platinum. The new suits promised to be stronger, lighter and safer. They even tested some new nano connections within the circuit suit to make it faster and support the compatibility between Ranger and Jaeger with more efficiency than ever. It didn’t make the circuit suit look particularly different from the old version but Chuck immediately recognized the new material on his skin. Also some new neuronal spots and the better contact with his internal muscular system.

Raleigh and Chuck were the first to get this new type of suits. They were not exactly prototypes but merely something the PPDC thought would be taken care of best in the hands of the world’s new favourite hero duo. 

 

It felt a bit stupid standing on the platform while a whole group of people rearranging things here and there, giving him commands to move this way or that, flex now, relax, how does it feel?, lemme correct this, yadda yadda. But to be fair, it had been a hell of a lot more awkward when he had been fifteen and got his first real ranger suit ever. 

And then, while Chuck was already in the circuit suit and partly in the armour, Raleigh finally arrived, too. Too late and with a surprisingly easy smile on his face. But then again, it shouldn’t confuse Chuck anymore, really, because they were amongst other people and for them Raleigh always had a smile or a grin to spare. 

Yet those baby blues wandered to Chuck's form all too quickly and rather unexpected and maybe it was only his imagination, but he could swear that he openly stared at him. Let his eyes roam along the Aussie's suited body like it was his God given right. Naturally Chuck glared at the others stupid smirk, but couldn’t help standing this bit straighter and rolling his shoulders slightly. 

He watched Tendo and Raleigh greeting each other, hugging like the two sentimentalists they were. Tendo had been already here when Chuck had arrived, looking almost more eager than him to test out their newly finished suits. 

 

When Raleigh handed over his ugly sweater to one of the tech girls, the old circuit scars became visible again. It’s not the first time Chuck saw them but it didn’t stop to intrigue him in a weird way. The marks of the very first Gipsy burned into his skin. So different to Chuck’s tattoos. Elegant and tragic at the same time. Marks of survival. A pathway to the man Raleigh was today. They always stood in an odd contrast to his firm, broad soldier body but then again- 

“You look already good.”

Chuck’s eyes snapped up to Raleigh’s shamelessly smiling face and no, no. He was not about to blush here.  _No fucking way._ Instinctively he was about to shift this little bit, flexed his muscles in an involuntary defence when one of the techies snapped at him not to move so much, they’re still measuring the neuronal stream. 

Chuck looked quickly at them, back to Raleigh and fine, he just stayed the statue they needed him to be and hoped the heat in his face was not too visible under this medical light. 

 

“You’re late.” He eventually replayed, followed Raleigh’s every movement with his eyes. 

Looking away proofed to be harder than he thought. The blond's pants dropped easily to the ground and were immediately collected by the same techie girl that had already harboured his favourite ugly sweater. And why wasn’t Chuck at all surprised to see that Raleigh came commando? 

Sure, they couldn’t wear undergarments under the circuit suits because it would interrupt the flow, but there was still some certain decency in having them at least on till you needed to loose them. And maybe giving the people around him a second or two ahead to collect himself enough to look away in time. 

But yeah, no, not happening right now. No one was looking away. Not within the next five seconds anyway. (A far too long time to not be regarded as shamelessly staring himself. Dammit!) It also was so not the first time he saw Raleigh in the nuddy, but Chuck was not exactly building up a resistance against it. If anything quite the contrary. 

However, being fifteen and merely suspecting and guessing what was under the Jaeger suit was ultimately still a lot easier than being twenty one and  _knowing for sure_. 

 

“Needed to see Dr. Ahlgren. Took a little longer.” That would explain the seemingly stiffness in the American’s muscles. Chuck was forced to see her more often than ever too because of this whole resurrection thing and making sure that he was really fit for duty and _stayed_  fit for duty. (Maybe now even more after Newt poked something in his head that should have been left unpoked). 

Raleigh on the other hand, as Chuck knew not just from the drift, had his regular appointments for his  _slight deficits_. That guy handled it probably better than anyone else in his position would but Chuck still noticed his little offs here and there. Not without reason he had been (and was still kinda) picking on his  _has-been_  status. The 100% would be forever out of reach for Raleigh. But hey, besides Chuck no one else had this kind of scores anyway. They were still both the top two. And this alone pushed their drift scores over the figuratively roof. 

Not unlike his hormones tried to do so too in this very moment. Shit damn! Raleigh was doing this on purpose! He must be! Must have seen somewhere in the drift Chuck’s odd little thing for his stupid perfect shoulder line and how muscles and bones gripped so visibly into each other to built a picture book deltoid. Goddamit! 

 

“Okay, Becket, enough of the show or my crew will swoon!” Tendo laughed.

Tsk, that’s a little bit too late for that. Tendo’s crew collectively started to drool all over the floor the moment those track pants fell from Raleigh’s slender hips. That also was nothing new to be precise but it seemed to get worse with every suiting. Worse and more blatant! And what the fuck? Did Tendo just slap the American on his (very nuddy)  _butt_? What was wrong with those people today? Was it the presence of the LOCCENT commander that fried the little rest decency those lusty techies had left? Not that Raleigh did anything to cut this scene off- Quite the contrary, he  _supported_  this farce!

That washed up has-been literally  _bathed_  in all the freaking attention he got! What the hell was suddenly wrong this Shatter Dome?! Okay, yeah, good. Chuck understood very well  _why_ they stared, but seriously- have some decency and respect here! You’re working right now and not being in a cheap bar with too much beer in your system to excuse your teeny behaviour!

 

The commands given to him by the techies that handled Chuck’s suit, were barely registered anymore. Especially not when that girl from before was back and helped Raleigh into the tricky textile. A cold shiver ran down his body watching her not so secretly touching that scarred skin tissues of the American. Goosebumps popped up all along his own body and were shortly eliminated again by ugly biting heat from deep within his guts. 

Flashes of memories that were not his own flickered up in front of his eyes. Hot body’s moving against each other. Breathless but almost high with endorphins and giddy laughter. The smell of sweat and hormones and sex. So many girls, even more men, one prettier than the last and all so so wanton. (He tried not to think about the hickeys he himself had sported now and then at his hip and chest.) No wonder that motherfucker swagged his ass around like he owned the damn place! 

Chuck could feel the heat from his guts crept up back into his face. 

 

It wasn’t like Chuck hasn’t had a lot of suitors of his own over the years. He just had never been... interested. Never mind the gender. They were just not on his map, at all. He had better things to do! Like keeping their horny asses safe and alive!

“Chuck!” Green blue eyes snapped away from the American and to the guy at his feet, looking half apologizing half amused up to him. Immediate annoyance welled up in the Aussie. 

“What?” 

“Your right leg! Could you please angle it?” 

An affirmative noise left his throat, maybe a bit more grumpy than necessary. While he angled his leg in the way they wanted him to, he kept his gaze now strictly to the ground. Even when he could hear a female voice in a far too suggesting manner and an American accented replay that was far too playful. Chuck’s jaw clenched tightly together. 

 

When they start holding up the first parts of his second layer, the sealed polycarbonate shell, he is grateful for the distraction. They start as usual at his legs. Clipping together part after part that then supported itself and held tightly to the circuit suit and his body. The difference between this and his Striker suit were immediately noticeable, even without having the whole thing on yet. The promised lightness was almost weird for a second. He knew it would make give him better endurance and less sore muscles in the Jaeger but light armoury also tended to make you first feel like you’d wear barely anything protective at all. Just another thing he would need to get used to. Though from the mere feeling it was already a good fit. Perfectly spanning around his current body. (The Striker suit had become a bit tight after he had filled out a bit more over the last years.) 

The tech guy form earlier told him about the new percentage between carbon and Teflon in this second layer and the new magnetic mash they used instead of the earlier wires to transport the neural signals. That would raise the efficiency of their neural handshake and their jockeying of the Jaeger by a good 35%! Sounded almost too incredible to believe it right away. Chuck would need to test that out. It was due to the more nano orientated growth structure that they could reach those new levels. The idea had been there for quite awhile but until now no time or money to put it into the suits. They got the first of this kind. 

 

Chuck cannot even start to describe how damn good it felt to be back in full suit. It didn’t felt like  _his_  suit yet, but he would get used to this new one quickly. Even with the reduced weight, he felt immediately stronger and taller and like he certainly can do this crazy shit war again. Just give him his finished Jaeger and he was good to go! It sat perfectly aligned to his body, admittedly even better than his old one, and compared to Raleigh he didn’t need much accommodation. Wasn’t stricken by those little handicaps the other sported along. 

„And, how do they feel? You are wearing a completely unique and revolutionary design here that is not only lighter and leaves more space to move, but also added security should a Kaiju get the idea to rip the Conn-Pod up again. A special alloy protects you even against their spit and blood for a few minutes.“ 

Ha. Chuck didn‘t need the direct drift to feel the little spontaneous knot in Raleigh’s guts and the temporarily blocked throat. They had shared this experience every time they went into the simulator, short and controlled from Raleigh’s experience with Mako, but still. It was kinda an unspoken rule to  _not leave your co-pilot behind_. And they, well, they both had done it. Involuntary. In all honesty, Chuck preferred his shared death experience with Stacker over the brutal loss of Yancy. Not that it really had been any better, but the hole inside Chuck was at least less present and wanted to be ignored unlike the one within Raleigh, that he had learned to live with by now.

 

Chuck flexed his hands and arms, walked a bit, stretched and made some slow combat moves. Tested the suit in its mobility and if really everything sat in place and nothing hurt or blocked something else. The intense light reflected on the still unharmed and shiny surface. It seemed to change its colour from Prussian blue to midnight blue to black and back. Depended completely on where he stood and where the light came from. Instinctively he touched his chest plate, all polished and blank and Chuck couldn’t  _wait_  to christenthis baby with its first Kaiju head. But then he heard a fitting pair of steps, that produced the same echo but with it slightly different rhythm, and the Aussie looked to its owner and yeah, damn, that was one fine suit they had put on them two. 

It was nothing like Raleigh's first white Gipsy suit, it was rather similar to the one he had worn with Mako, but still, it was different. This was  _their suit_.  _Their_  battle armour for their  _Jaeger_. The upwelling excitement and pride and the feeling of  _I cannot wait!_  flooded freely through the Aussies system. It was like back then when he finally got his suit with his Dad and Striker was waiting for them in the Hanger for the first test ride and it had taken all of Chuck to not jump around and kick and punch in the air to get some of the overwhelming endorphins out of his overeager body. (Although back then, before they had the whole armour set in place Chuck had been disappointed for about a minute or two that it hadn’t been white like Gips'ys. Hard to imagine now what that actually would’ve done to his teeny self if on top of it all he also had looked a bit like the Becket Bros. This may have created some very embarrassing situations...)

 

Raleigh returned his look. When their eyes met Chuck didn’t block. Couldn’t block. Just continued to let his eagerness freely bleed and anticipation and pride through his system. And just for a few seconds, the honest smile that was plastered at the others face was all his. It was directed at him and him alone and Chuck was aware that  _he_  was the source for it. For the mirroring gleaming fire in those baby blues and it all was just... right.  _They_  were right where they belonged. 

He took an instinctive step towards Raleigh, still holding the gaze when Tendo’s voice suddenly broke through their self created bubble. 

“And apart from that outfit having the potential of being a true life saver - the press and the ladies will love it.“ 

The responding chuckle of Raleigh made Chuck role his eyes. Yes, of course, because  _this_  was really important while saving the world- Looking like hero eye candy for the outer world. He already dreaded the next wave of coming interviews. The hype about them was already at the same level like back in the Golden Age, just that the actual PPDC people couldn‘t enjoy much of it with all the preparations going on. And Chuck for his part was more than glad that it was this way, because he had seen what this sort of popularity and cheer can do to a man…

 

And just like this that techie girl from earlier started flirting with Raleigh. The one who had already snuck away Raleigh’s clothes like they were a damn Holy Grail. Chuck couldn’t make out what they were saying, but the stupid smiles and her playful  _pat_  on the chest amour said already a lot. Well, if this didn’t feel all a bit too familiar for Chucks taste. He thought  _Keep it in your pants, cowboy!_  but knew the other wouldn’t hear him. Not like this. Not without the link.

Suddenly he was fifteen again and what he saw was not the Raleigh now, but the Raleigh from years ago with his ever constant bright hero grin and the world falling for him so easily and willing. The same way they did for Scott and his dad. Memories of his uncle mixed with Raleigh’s own memories, and some even belonged to Yancy. It was confusing and wild and Chuck felt this little bit hotter but also a hell of a lot more confused. 

He never understood how easily their focus could falter as soon as some random pussy or ass walked by. All four of these old heroes had gone down. Two had gone down bad, one had involuntary retired, one had come back up. Who knows where it would end this time...

 

“And boys, happy so far?” 

“If you let me do the Logo design as soon as  _She_ is done, jup. All good.” Chuck flexed again, moved his upper body and stretched somewhat more. “I like the increased mobility. Probably will leave less roughed up skin and bruises.” 

Only God knew how much hours every Ranger spent in the after battle self care, all packed with ointments, crèmes and heat-plaster. The medics and therapists were not the only station they had to visits. Physiotherapists were at least for Chuck the most important and useful ones of this whole care team. 

“When can we go into the Conn-Pod? I wanna test this things praised super compatibility!” 

Tendo grinned at him, probably appreciating the positive response but also raised his hands in an apologizing gesture. 

“Well, for today we only wanted to finish the suits. Sorry, boys. But if the engineers keep up with their set up schedule, we should be able to put you two into the Conn-Pod in two, max three days. The Jaeger of course, still needs some more days to her completion, but we certainly can already get you all set up and ready to go in the Conn-Pod.” 

This would be the real deal. The big drift. Not just a soft simulation but the whole program with all that there is to it. Despite his still lingering reluctance from their first tests, now all suited up and itchy under the skin, Chuck wanted nothing more than to do it. Be back in the field and do what he could do best.

Chuck nodded despite the slight disappointment not to be able to do more today. 

“Alright? So,... what now?” 

“Now we undress your pretty asses again and you have basically the rest of the day off. Maybe do some sparing? Never hurts to work on your synchronisation levels.”

 

He didn’t quite want to get out of the suit so soon again. It felt good on him, new, but good. Better than all his other clothes he owned (and he  _really liked_ his leatherjackets). 

This time in reverse, Chuck avoided looking over at Raleigh. Stripping down and looking the other do the same wasn’t something that would work well with his mind. At least not well in an embarrassment-free way. Half way out of the circuit suit, he still noticed from the corner of his eye the baby blues back on him. But he didn’t return his gaze. Instead he carefully pushed aside the warm feeling that the knowledge of Raleigh’s stare created. 

Back in his shirt, pants, boots and jacket (the black one, not his Striker one. That hadn’t felt quite right considering the current occasion), Chuck followed his rapidly adapted pattern of the last weeks and was about to simply leave the facilities. He thanked the tech crew for their good work and made sure they would storage this new treasure how it deserved it. For Tendo he had a quick wave to spare with the right hand. And then he was off and almost at the door and thought about, yeah, maybe he would hit the gym. Get some of those sweet endorphins in his body some purpose. When suddenly endorphins changed rapidly back to adrenalin and stress hormones. 

 

Chuck was almost certain that he had never seen this particular tech woman before in the Dome (never mind that he was in general pretty oblivious to the majority of people that weren’t connected to him and his team). But in the few time they had spent getting into their suits, he had learned and memorized her voice and speech pattern on the spot. The Latin-American vowels rang in his ears when he heard them from not that far behind him again. 

Chuck didn’t know why he turned around, there was really no reason to. He was already about to leave, but he didn’t. He stopped and turned and froze. The techie girl was leaning  _right against_  Raleigh, her hands on his chest and arm while he secured her at the hip and they looked so oddly intimate right now. All smiley and half lidded eyes and voices lowered and deep. 

Chuck wanted to move but was terrifyingly paralyzed for a few horrible moments. An ugly mixture of anger, disappointment, worry and something far far nastier (not jealousy, don’t even think about this shitty word!) stirred together in his stomach and made him almost nauseas with its sudden force. His jaw clenched and for a second this nasty feeling was about to wash over him. But then he remembered and well, what else did he expect? The drift had revealed enough. Old habits die hard. For now he had no nerves left to deal with this shit. But if this was about to become a  _thing_  again, Chuck wouldn’t have that. They fought a fucking  _war_  here and were not on a weekend hunting trip for easy pussy using their patches as bait! He won’t allow Raleigh to regress to how he had been before Yancy’s death. This would not end in a Scott 2.0 scenario!

 

Eventually Chuck’s grudge over the lack of control won over his other nasties and his legs were willing to move again. He turned and left the dress room back into the eternal floors of the Dome. It was actually a bit of a surprise hearing merely twenty meters down the way hasty steps following him. “Hey, Chuck, how about Kwoon?” 

Raleigh called out to him and his voice was far too easy and still full of happiness and maybe some ego boost from the tech chick. For a second Chuck just wanted to ignore him and go his own way down to the gym, when something else in him got the better of him and saw this question as the thing it was- Opportunity. Showing that washed-up has been how things would continue in the future with them, as a  _Team_. And maybe there was also this tiny part in him that just really wanted to punch into this stupid smiley face and punch it good. 

 

He threw Raleigh a piercing look over his shoulder that was accompanied by a thin, tight smile. “Sure.” Instead of going left and down to the gym rooms, Chuck now turned right and up to the Kwoons. A short memory of those nagging and annoying twenty two days of testing candidates rushed through him. Flooded by the compability test with Raleigh and followed again by their first ever ...  _encounter_. Their fight had given him some ugly bruises but this was not was stuck in mind of this specific day.

 

It was still early afternoon, a preferred time for many cadet’s to train together and prepare for their next tests. Means that only the smaller Kwoons would be free to use for them. (well, strictly speaking  they could use any room they wished cause their rank was far higher, but Chuck preferred not to have any witnesses when he would kick this human golden retrievers ass). 

Eventually he chose one nearer to the showers, away from the favoured main rooms. It was moderate. Maybe ten square meters. Ideal if one wanted to get intense because there was not much room to back off to. Several staffs lined up on the opposite wall to the door. Chuck went straight to them and grabbed two of the staffs. Only with a quick glance back he threw one to Raleigh, who still stood within the door frame with a neutral “Here.” 

 

The boots got carelessly pushed of his feet and kicked into the corner. Same thing happened to his jacket. His dog tags also got tugged under his grey shirt instead of staying over it as usual. Finished with this short routine dance he took place at the matt and waited for Raleigh to do the same. Shoes got a bit more neatly put next to his and that ugly sweater left his body again too. He felt his left eye twitch when said ugly sweater got surely placed over Chucks carelessly thrown away leather jacket. Why this was somewhat triggering him, he couldn’t tell.

 

“Ready?” Chuck asked when the other took position too, but it was probably more of a warning then a question because in the next moment the Aussie was already charging forward. His staff came sharp from the upper left only to turn in the last second and passing Raleigh instinctive block to a deeper swift and hitting his flank hard. 

“Point.” Chuck said cool, stepping a step back again, waiting a second to take in Raleigh’s preciously stupid face and charging again. The next strike got blocked. Middle, up, side, up, shin. Staffs collided with hard bangs against each other. Raleigh’s moves slowly turned harder, more pressing, but Chuck didn’t give him anything and never moved back. Only forward, pushing the other through the small room with blow after blow. 

Chuck’s next point was a calculated hit against Raleigh’s left side that was more guarded than his right, but still weaker and slower in his reaction time. The muscles under his skin flexed and contracted hard, Raleigh’s stare for a second iron and his mouth a thin grim line. How could he not bare his teeth in challenge when he said “Two zero.”. 

 

Somewhere in his head Raleigh’s voice echoed, a memory of his and Mako’s first fight.  _It’s a dialogue, not a fight!_  Well, usually Chuck would agree with this but not right now. Right now it was not about compatibility but about lessons and getting that nasty steam off.

 

This time it was Raleigh who charged forward first, was blocked by Chuck in the next six moves, till he managed a kick against the inside of his knee and used the short buckle to bring the staff down against Chuck’s thigh. 

“Two one.” The American said with a crooked grin, the answer to Chuck’s previous challenge. Fine. But what Raleigh clearly wasn’t aware of was that Chuck didn’t plan to merely collect points. Or loose at all. 

 

He got back up, immediately struck with the staff, got blocked, struck again and it turned into a second round of increasingly aggressive sparing. Wood against wood, strike after strike. Chuck ducked from the next blow, kicked once against Raleigh’s ankle, used now his short buckle to get up, give him another kick into his abdominal muscles and brought him hard down to the matt’s. Instantly Chuck was over him, one knee pressing down on the spot he had just kicked against, enjoying the sharp hiss that this created and held his staff against Raleigh’s throat. Only pressing so much down that the other could feel the pressure but wouldn’t choke from it. 

“That was almost too easy, Rah-leigh. What’s up? Head still with your new techie friend?” 

His knee pressing this bit harder against the others abdominal muscles. Chuck’s head roles side wards for a moment and he clicked appraising with his tongue. “You know, this is just  _not_ how this will function. I won’t allow compromises. My team will not be  _weak_!” 

The unspoken  _You’re better than this shit head!_  lingered in the air. Chuck’s eyes roamed over the body under him, still good in control and letting the soldier in him have the wheel and keeping his heart beat in a not too excited pace. There were a lot, and he meant  _a lot!_ , dreams of his that had started like this. Focus! He was not done yet. 

 

When the right of Raleigh came up in an attempt to push the staff away, Chuck batted the hand away and pressed hard against the bared throat for a second or two. Then he softened the pressure again. “It’s very easy, RAH-leigh boy- You focus like the damn  _ranger_ you claim to be and stop behaving like that ridiculous poofter hooker washed up back from Anchorage!” 

Maybe it was the position of half kneeling, half leaning over Raleigh, maybe it was the rush of adrenalin, maybe it was the tense but dark look out of those baby blues that eventually got through to him and knocked his soldier almost cold out, but suddenly he was hovering with his face  _right over_ the other. Angrily snarling at the other and again batting a moving hand away that he had noticed from the corner of his eyes. Chuck’s left had had an almost brutal grip now around the wrist of Raleigh’s right. The raging pulse puckering against his palm gave him the final push of heat and before he could change his mind, Chuck had clashed their mouths together in an aggressive kiss. If this could really be titled with the word kiss and not  a continued fight with lips and teeth. Yet the Aussie broke off as quick as he started it and left the other's mouth hanging open and confused. “I hate unprofessional losers.”, grumbled his voice through him, vibrated over both their bodies. 

 

For a second or two the American looked completely dazzled. Confused and disorientated and just like the stupid idiot he was. This had been the first time Chuck had initiated a kiss. This fact alone was probably surprising and a bit off throwing enough for both of them. But then Raleigh groaned in this weird tone, shifting his body and pressing his back up and through in an attempt to make Chuck shift his weight. 

“Is this really about the tech girl? We both know- What you hate,  _Charles_ , is someone who wants something you deny yourself.” The snarl in the blond’s voice made Chuck bleak his teeth.

That was not true. Not entirely at least. It was partly about the needy tech girl, definitely. There was no way around this. But Chuck didn’t hate people because they did or want something he had learned to ignore and suppress. He never gave a flying fuck when the Russian had another of their infamous parties. He never said anything when Mako got the nice food ration because Pentecost was her foster dad. He even accepted that everyone seemed to have a better relationship with his dad than him. It was all okay. That’s life. Whatever. The only thing he obviously wasn’t,  _couldn’t,_  be okay with was when Raleigh replied to that girl with that stupid rainbow sunshine puppy smile and everything seemed to be forgotten and-...

 

Chuck barely noticed how the American took the Staff out of his hand and threw it far enough so he couldn’t reach it without getting up. Freeing the other from his weight. Chuck didn’t care about the staff. He stayed put, looked back at Raleigh with more awarness. 

“What do you want, Chuckie boy, hm?” 

Good question, next one. Raleigh didn’t really want an answer to this one. They would still be here by tomorrow and Chuck would be probably still only half through with what he wanted. It would start somewhere with having his Mum alive and go to that he just wants things back like there were and not being a freak of nature. It had been hard enough all those years to prove himself and defend his status as youngest Ranger ever. This gave a man a hard shell, sure. But he still didn’t like the looks he got around the Shatter Dome. The new suspicion. 

Chuck couldn’t compromise this new fragile status. His proof was still somewhere in the future. The proof that he was good enough. That he was the soldier they needed, even if they didn’t want him. Not that he was eager to have K-Day 2.0, but somehow….maybe... he probably was. 

Ha, back from the dead and he still wasn’t a better person. Sorry, old man.

 

Chuck didn’t fight back when Raleigh put his hands on his chest pushed him downwards. Not really away though, just down. Away from his very likely hurting stomach. Served him right. Chuck wouldn’t apologize for that one. No way. But with light wonder he took in his new position between Raleigh’s legs, his right thigh pressing somewhat against the others crotch and wow, Raleigh did  _not_  just make  _that noise_! 

An involuntary shiver ran down Chuck's back and maybe his face felt this tiny bit warmer around the cheeks. Right now, this scenario here seemed all too familiar in a far too none existent way. He had been here many many times, just never in the  _real_  world.

 

Chuck’s look got darker, more piercing but was only met by a cocky smile. This was taking a very different turn rather fast. 

“Let me tell you something- seeing you in that suit, Seeing you  _out_  of that suit- Do you think I would have wasted a single thought on anything but  _you._   _Us._ ” The words raised the heat in his face and the accompanied growl from the other just send another shiver through his system. For a second or two, Chuck didn’t know what to say, or even  _think_. Was he for real?! Although, stupid game or not, his body certainly didn’t care about it. His heart beat was prominent against his chest, his breath stuck for a moment in his throat. But Raleigh’s wrist pulse on the other hand was beating steady against his own hand, no skip or anything. He swallowed. 

“From where I stood you looked rather occupied with getting eye fucked by Tendo’s whole damn crew.” Chuck answered in a low grumble just because. It was an image hard to erase out of his mind, how ten plus people drooled in disgusting synchronization about the American. While Chuck-… He….

Damn. This was so not what he had planned. Putting Raleigh on the mats and get him back on track, sure. But  _this_  was just-… Fuck! 

 

There was another push against his leg, followed by a rolling of hips and an extended, deep hum. “You mean like you did, too?” 

It was hard not to look. Not to stare at this small, cheeky smile and the slightly lowered eyes. All focused on him. The body pushing lightly against its restrain, but not fully wanting to free itself yet. Like he was still testing waters. Or thinking about his next step. Chuck didn’t like either option. 

“The fuck I did!” he snapped back and he meant it. He didn’t stare, not like  _them_. Only when they were all suited up and everything had fell somewhat perfectly into place and it had felt surprisingly good and- goddammit!

Stupid, stupid, stupid! This was what he was. He shouldn’t have followed that pull and kiss the blond. This was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do. What he should’ve done. After he had put Raleigh to the mats, he should have just left him there and go to the gym. This right now was just again far too close to all the things he had tried to avoid. 

“C’mon Chuck, I’m not blind.” Raleigh replied in this deep, serious voice of his. The accent heavy and rolling. As unreal and mesmerizing to Chuck’s ears like the amounts of snow the blond grew up with. “I actually rather hoped you’re done pouting and we can continue where –“ 

“Don’t.” The Aussie interrupted him right there. His expression serious, on the edge to another wave of anger. He couldn’t handle this shit right now. Too many nights filled with nightmares and the constant soft pull left him far too exhausted. Too unwilling and just... no. 

 

Raleigh’s hips stopped moving and a heavy sigh full of annoyance and built up frustration left his mouth. The blue eyes were piercing through his. If Chuck wouldn’t hold him down he’d probably had a fist in his face by now.

“Could you stop being such a stubborn brat? Just for five minutes?” 

The Aussie made a tsk noise, held the others dark gaze with his own stubborn anger.

“What? So you can do your  _thing_  again?”

“As I see it,  _you’re_  currently the one who’s straddling  _me_.”

The head butt happened unexpected even for Chuck. But when their heads collided and he could hear the loud swear of the American, his own irritating pain rush was nothing but a satisfying hum. An angry red spot formed along Raleigh’s forehead, matching the black eye and the bruise at his chin. Looking messed up suited this asshole best anyway.

When Chuck released him out of his grip, Raleigh immediately rubbed over the new wound, muttering curses all the while. Chuck made another cussed noise and swung his right leg over the body underneath him. Time to go to the gym as originally planned. 

 

Suddenly something grabbed his ankle and pulled hard, threw him off balance and let him fall straight forward. Instinctively Chuck’s arms snapped up and caught him in time before he could collided with the floor face first.

“Motherfucker!” He swore and kicked with the foot that wasn’t in Raleigh’s harsh grip, hit him right in the lower left side of his ribcage. Raleigh muffled his own outcry. Instead of letting go, one of his hands snatched up to get Chuck's other leg also in a hold and pulled him forcefully back, nearer to where he’s deeper in the Americans attack zone. Chuck felt his left ankle being released, but didn’t react fast enough to avoid the sudden hit against the hollow of his knee. The elbow dug deep into the sensitive, unprotected area. A chocked groan left the Aussies mouth.

“Fuck!” 

 

His leg felt paralyzed and incredibly painful at the same time. And what did that shithead of a washed up has-been? Ramming his elbow into his other leg too, forcing an outcry out of Chuck this time. Shit that hurt! Breath going heavy and legs unable to move properly, he tried to stay upright on his forearms and re-collecting his strength. Block out the pain. Just kick that asshole in his fucking face and stand up. Now! Do it!

But the damn nerves in his legs were still too overstrung and irritated to react appropriately. Just spasming pathetically and making his lower legs barely wiggle.

A sudden weight settled on his buttocks and that damn elbow was now digging threatening in the space between his shoulder blades. Right on the nerves. The Aussie bit hard on his lip, suppressing another groan.

“I’m tired of your running away.”

One elbow stayed pressed painfully between his shoulder blades, the other hand snatched up to grab Chuck by the back of his neck. Those long, filigree fingers curling harsh around him. Pushing his face further against the mats. 

“Why is it so hard for you to be good? I know you want to!”

An involuntary flush spread from Chuck's cheeks right along ears, neck and shoulders. Of course Raleigh knows. They bloody drift! There wasn’t exactly much left the other didn’t know off. But knowing didn’t mean  _understanding_. Cause whatever the blond had seen in his head, he still just didn’t got shit of it. Just laying out things how he liked it and forced his view onto Chuck.  _This_  was not what the Aussie wanted. Years old teeny fantasies about similar situations to this one right now or his ... _issues_  with his old man didn’t gave Raleigh any right to act like a sex starved cave monkey! That asshole was always jumping to conclusion- not with everyone though,  _just Chuck_. He had never acted like this in front of Yancy or Mako. Or his friends. Or his many many  _many_  bed companions. 

Chuck hated it.

Hated that they were like this. That he brought this out in the other. And what the other brought out in him.  _I wish you were a better person_ , his old man had said. But was it really all his fault? Chuck wasn’t born like this. He had been formed by blood and sweat and pain to the man he was today. And for such a golden poster boy Raleigh didn’t exactly make it easier for Chuck to fall into this new life that was never meant to be in the first place. 

 

The reprobation in the Americans deep voice felt worse than the elbow in his back. “Or do you seriously only try to be the good soldier boy for your d-“

“I swear to god, Becket, one more word and I-“ snapped Chuck, the anger hopefully aggressive enough to cover up the flicker of hurt and rejection.

“What? Beat me up?” Blunt nails dug into the Aussies neck when the other squeezed him harder. Mocking and challenging were so oddly mixed in Raleigh’s voice those words could have also been Chuck's. Maybe they were from another day. Another fight. 

 

“Let it go Chuck. There is nothing left for you in the past.” A new wave of rage rolled along his body. Yet the feral snarl he responded to the blond felt even to him rather pathetic considering his current position. “But we can build a future.  _Together_.”

„Together?! We’re  _not even equals!_  This is a fucking joke! And I’m certainly not your co-pilot to hold your sissy hand and get your horny ass off!“ 

“As I recount,  _you_  were the one who got off so far. Some might say you owe me one.”

Instinctively Chuck tried to shove the other off his back once again. But the angle was all wrong and the weight of the other too well placed. Without Raleigh losing his grip there was little chance to break free. That didn’t keep the Aussie from continuing to struggle under him like a fucking fish on land and snarl again. He was never one to accept defeat that easily. Spending years within a Jaeger just nurtured this stubbornness. The unwillingness to give in. The only difference between sitting in a Jaeger and laying under Raleigh was that in the Jaeger he was an undefeated Titan recurred to earth and under Raleigh he was just a man, recurred too but with so much more weak points than Striker ever had. 

“What’s wrong with you?!” 

When Raleigh suddenly pressed his pelvis again his backside, the Aussie went still. His own aggressive heartbeat suddenly all too noisy in his ears and another flush ready to colour his skin colour even deeper. Chuck had seen this coming and still let it somehow happen. This was  _not_ his thing. Raleigh was wrong. Wrong wrong  _wrong_! And he had been a weakass idiot for letting the American push him already this far. Since they had tried on their new suits maybe an hour had passed but it felt like a whole damn eternity away. When he had been washed up at the Hokkadio shore he would have  _never_  expected some prissy shit like this would wait for him. If he would’ve known, he would’ve rolled straight back into the water. Fuck this shit. He was sick and tired of this disabled dickhead. 

 

“Loose up, sugar. We’ve been here already. You should know that it’s paying off for you.” Chuck wasn’t sure if Raleigh’s erection pressed again his trouser bottom was new or just had never ceased from when the Aussie had been still on top. Either way it made him suddenly damn nervous. His breathing sped up and he could feel sweat slowly appearing in his armpits and at his neck where Raleigh still held him down. 

“All I want is some tiny return. That’s not too much now is it?”

This was not how Raleigh was. How he really was. Chuck had  _seen it_! At the telly, in magazines, in the dome, in the fucking  _drift_! But this sort of behaviour also wasn’t particularly new either. It was almost as old as his golden retriever image. Dug up again back from the past and revived to a new extend. And this was only the peak of the iceberg. In the simulator the drift wasn’t complete. Chuck knew that like himself, Raleigh had still lots of secrets he hid neatly away. Dark corners and memories he rather kept in the shadows. It hadn’t even been so much the war that spoiled the golden boy but the death of Yancy. The years alone and handicapped at the wall, trying to heal and cope with the hole within his mind and soul. With Mako he had managed to keep his demons locked away in a box, but now that Mako was gone all that was left to anchor the puppy was angry, issue loaded, walking dead Chuck. Maybe it just needed to come down to  _this_. Chuck had never succeeded to close his anger away and now his burning fury lured Raleigh’s shadows back out from their hidden corners. What else could it be?

This was what they did to each other right from the very first moment they met-Bringing the worst out in each other. They hadn’t even had a full-on drift together yet! What will happen if they eventually  _really drift_  in their new Jaeger? Why did everything have to be so damn messed up? Even with his dad it wasn’t as chaotic like this and Chuck had  _by far_  more reasons to strangle the old man in his mind. 

Raleigh’s and his numbers were perfect. Their data all over the roof. As perfectly compatible as it possibly could be. And still.  _Still_! Maybe they both just needed too much from each other. Things they couldn’t give each other to really function like the data promised they could. Raleigh needed more attention than he realized himself; There were his disabilities, his need to bond and play bestis, his need to be close, to touch, to conquer, to be conquered. (Chuck wasn’t completely blind. He knew how much the blond missed sex, old poofter hooker that he was). And over all this stood Raleigh’s need for comfort. A homey feeling. How could Chuck possibly give him something he had never experienced himself and couldn’t give him even if he wanted to? 

Raleigh wanted too much and Chuck had too many problems of his own than to have the will left to deal with the Americans too.  

 

Another role of Raleigh’s hips against him, made his heart beat involuntarily speed up. There was no denial in the effect the other had on him. Hell, who wouldn’t fail in such a situation when your jerk off fantasy number one rubs itself against you? But it felt wrong. False. Like all the times he himself had suffered under damn drift limerence and had run rounds around the Dome till he dropped from exhaustion so he wouldn’t try the same shit with his old man. 

Raleigh had said seeing them in their suits made him hot but Chuck didn’t believe him. It sounded all too much like an echo of his teen self and starting limerence.

“Stop it.” He hissed under his pressed breath. 

Raleigh merely chuckled throaty in his ear before he lightly bit into it. “Make me.” Another shudder ran through the Aussie and he bit his lip to keep any traitorous noises from coming out. Maybe he could elbow the other hard enough with his right to make him loosen his python grip around his neck and he could throw him off his popliteal space. 

He was just about to try getting his arm further back when he could feel Raleigh nibbling along his jaw line accompanied by more rhythmic circling against his backside. “If it helps just pretend I’m Herc.” Chuck couldn’t decide if the blond’s voice was casual or amused. Either way it stopped him dead in his plan and made his muscles cramp unpleasantly. The pressure of the other body increased and suddenly everything was far too hot in and around him. “The good soldier boy finally getting daddy’s attention. It’s okay, you know? After all you fought so-hard-for-it.” The words came stretched, groaned, but he barely felt the bite under his ear. Something in his stomach sunk and Chuck wasn’t sure if he was nauseas, angry, flustered, embarrassed or everything at once. That didn’t keep the fire in him from burning. He felt the pressure and the heat. 

A soft ringing started in his ears that rapidly grew louder. 

He felt like he was about to faint. He could feel more sweat breaking out and closed his eyes against drops trying to get into them. It got harder and harder to concentrate on his breathing.

Maybe he was about to hyperventilate. Maybe he was about to stop breathing all together. Like he did when he first saw pictures of the ruins that had been Sydney.

It was all too much.

He couldn’t-! 

 _Make it stop_!

 

“Chuck?” he barely heard the voice of the blond under the noise in his ears. The fog in his head. The pain within his body. It sounded different though. Far away. Changed.

“Chuck!” This time the voice was clearer but still so very distant. 

He opened his eyes slowly but was surprised to see the ceiling instead of the floor. Raleigh’s shaggy head came into his view, worry written all over his face.

“Are you okay, man?”

It was hard to focus, like the time Newt dragged him into one of his special bars. The nausea was still very present in his system though. Only when he tried to move his aching head he realized that he was lying on his back and despite Raleigh kneeling next to him he could still feel his weight heavy sitting on his bones. 

Carefully he tried to push himself into a sitting position. Immediately Raleigh’s hands snatched forward to help him but only made the nausea in Chuck violently role up. It took him a few second of deep, controlled breathing to not see his breakfast all over again. The warm, soothing hand rubbing along his back was of little help.

“Fuck- You really scared me!”

Chuck was confused and felt horribly disorientated. He could feel the insecurity dripping out of his voice when he asked what happened.

“One moment you were straddling me and then you kinda-... blacked out.”

“... What?”

“You blacked out. You were still there for a few seconds, somehow. But, then,... not really? You were just staring me but otherwise-... I called you but you didn’t react. And then you started to shiver and when I tried to shake you awake you dropped side wards and -... Fucking hell, Chuck! I don’t even know. You need to see a doctor!”

 

Chuck didn’t even know where to start comprehending the just said. Motionless he stared at Raleigh with big green eyes. Blood still rushed all noisy along his ears. This was all wrong. They had been arguing and Raleigh had been trying again to make him-...  _submit_. And then- then- ....Fuck! His head was hurting like someone worked on it with a driller. This cannot happen. He cannot have nightmares in full day light too! Or how did Raleigh call it? Black out? But it had felt so  _real_!

It all seemed like fucking Alice down the damn rabbit. The path he had been walking on had been clear since he had been bloody twelve and all of a sudden everything was just back to a foggy zero. 

“No doctors.” Chuck pressed out between his continues heavy breathing. Since he was back he had been at all kind of doctors and his file became larger and larger with the revived mystery that was Chuck. He couldn’t let them add even more. Even with his dad as Marshall, there was only so much instability the PPDC could accept about their pilots till they’d be forced to take him out of the program for good. This would be the second death of him. The Jaeger program was his life. The Conn-pod his home. If he would lose this after all he would lose his only purpose left in this broken second life with it.

“Then let’s get Newt. If anyone knows what’s wrong with you, it’s him.”

Chuck wants to snarl that nothing was wrong with him. He was fine. He was a good soldier. Still the best. He still functioned perfectly when he was in his suit. But for how long could he keep this up if his nightmares started to overtake even his days? Aching fear threatened to take him all over again, but he clenched his fists, hard enough to drive his short nails through his rough palms. The mild pain anchored him, enough to stay in the present and give Raleigh an unwilling nod.

 

The calloused hands felt hot as fire when he helped Chuck back up to his feet. He would have backed off immediately if he wouldn't think that beyond these walls of torrid flames he could hear a soft, caring whisper.  _We’re gonna be okay. Trust in us. Together we’re invincible._  

But when Chucks looked puzzled to the blond, Raleigh was already about to collect their clothes from the Kwoons floor, quietly hissing now and then from the earlier fresh bruises but saying no word of complaint. Maybe it had been just another thing of his fucked up imagination. The soothing voice full of confidence and providence.

With a pile of their clothes in his arms, Raleigh took a few steps into the direction of the door. When he noticed that Chuck still stood frozen and unsure at the mats, an indefinable expression flashed over the blond's face. 

“Let’s go?”, he asked, insecurity creeping slowly into his tone. 

But this time Chuck started to move wordlessly and was first to reach the door, Raleigh behind him like a fickle shadow. Newt’s lab was nearby and still his feet carried him only very reluctantly one step after the other forward. He deeply hoped Newt wouldn’t force him back into the dark drift. He wasn’t sure if his mind could bear another round of this hell trip.

 

 

 

 


End file.
